Life in Black and White

The following is taken from my soon-to-be-released book called “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone” Chapter 21 - Life In Black and White

“If you spend any time with a man, you'll realize that we're all still little boys.”—Paul Walker

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/paulwalker424434.html

Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to capture a moment’s worth of understanding. Sometimes a moment’s understanding heals a lifetime worth of pain. It is almost unimaginable how much time can be packed into one moment’s worth of revelation, like the moment in the “Wizard of Oz” when every thing bursts from the starkness of the grey tones of Kansas into the vividness and glory of technicolor found in the Land of Oz—until it happens to you.

My life was like that for far too long. Something deep inside of me told me life was to be lived in color, but reality spoke something less-than to my little-boy sensibilities. I saw what I saw. Sometimes the boy grows up on the outside while his little-boy soul gets left behind. Sometimes it takes little boys much longer to grow up on the inside. Funny how watching one’s dad lying asleep in ICU causes a grown man to somehow revert to and remember being that man’s little boy and magically relive a lifetime in the matter of a few second’s time.

Seeing this giant of a man in my little-boy eyes now working for every breath made me look back with a grateful fondness at just how rich my life truly has been. Thank God for such moments of color and clarity.

Far too many times have I heard the stories of men who lived their entire lives in the black-and-white of regret and unrealized dreams. Thank God for the pain of recollection that time and perspective have melted into the full-fledged color of the wonder of a life full of grand riches, grand adventures, grand treasures, grand memories and the audacious grandeur of simply changing one’s point of view!

Of course, I still see the little wounded boy running from the sexual encounter in the men’s room that day after the man did what he did. This time, rather than feeling the dread and fear that kept me from telling anyone what had just happened to me, I saw a before-unseen-hand protecting me from physical harm. In that one moment of clarity the little boy was transported back to the beginnings of life. Standing there on the edge of that precipice, something called me to step into the abyss of the canyon that once separated the boy from the man he would one day be. And step off, I did.

My little-boy life was amazing as I look back. Even though much of my life was relegated to the stark black-and-white of pain due to the secret I had kept, the re-living is in breathtaking color! As the labored breathing of my father fills the hospital room, I find its monotonous rhythm somehow comforting, and before I know it, I am lulled into a beautiful reverie.

Can you remember the days before remote control? Can you recall the days before color television? My children find it unfathomable and ancient that I grew up in such long-ago and backward days! I somehow find it incredible and worth the living-through now that I am nearing sixty-three years of age as of this writing (I am finally finishing the writing as I near sixty-seven!). We only had three channels and something called UHF, which stands for ultrahigh frequency, whatever that means! I took it to mean that a particular channel was only visible and discernible by dogs and space aliens! Having three channels and no remote control meant that when dad was sitting in his chair and needed the channel changed, I would hear the then-dreaded words, “Change the channel, boy!”

In those days, I quickly grew tired of the constant up-and-down of being the human remote control, but now…now that daddy is in ICU…I am somehow grateful for the memory and the interaction of the son and his father. In those days, my perception was that daddy only spoke to me when he needed me to do something for him, or when I needed to be disciplined! Now, I was grateful for the conversation, no matter how one-sided it seemed in those days.

Those were the days of rabbit-ears (antennae) that TV sets required to receive the magical signal from somewhere beyond little-boy understanding of such things. When the addition of tin-foil molded to the end of said “antenna" didn’t quite do the job, I was directed to hold the end of the rabbit-ears in one hand while standing in the awkward positions my dad would suggest! Rather than respond in the weariness I felt during such moments, I looked back with joyful gratitude that the recollection brought flooding into my soul. When my mom would see my exasperated look, she would suggest that I let go and see if it worked better now. And if it did not, she would often step in and rescue me, assuming the awkward position I had previously held! What a gift this memory now became…

Sunday nights after church meant going to the drive-in on one end of our small town for ice cream cones. It was always so funny to me that the same people we had just seen at church were always at the drive-in, too! I do not even know why it struck me in such a humorous way. It just did. Perhaps it was the comfort of seeing the same trusted faces I had just seen. Perhaps it was the simple joy of knowing one was loved. As difficult as it was to believe in those days that I was lovable, it appeared amazingly and achingly obvious as I looked back.

One of my favorite TV shows of the day was called “Flipper”. Even though I could not have explained my feelings during those days, Flipper somehow gave me hope. My feelings since that day in the men’s room had seen the innocence and trust of a child robbed and replaced with fear and longing to be rescued. As I prepared for 7:00 PM every Saturday evening to arrive, no one knew the need I had to watch the show, and the dread I felt if I missed an episode.

Porter Ricks, Chief Warden at the fictional Coral Key Park and Marine Preserve in southern Florida, along with his two sons, Sandy and Bud, went on amazing ocean adventures with their trusted friend, the bottle-nosed dolphin, Flipper. In my imagination, I found myself being pursued by the villain, or worse yet, the shark, in each episode. Never once was I disappointed! I sit in the ICU with my dad while mom goes for lunch…and I am re-living my adventures with a dolphin! I see my dad as the great Porter Ricks to my little-boy Bud. And rather than feeling like the hopeless little-boy I once was, I see the man I was rescued to become. And my dad is the hero I was in need of all along.

It is so amazing to believe that I once saw myself as I did. The little-boy taking the skiff out into the ocean. The foolish choices I made in jumping into those shark-infested waters. The fear I felt in all those years wasted of believing myself unlovable and my dad incapable of loving me, or even of saying the words. Even now as I watch him sleep, I am being rescued by the love he was incapable of expressing all those years ago, that now so indelibly speaks to me through time as I can now see the many ways his love was demonstrated in living color.

I see myself cared for in the multiple jobs he took on all at once to simply provide for me and my brothers and my mom. The hours away from home I took as a lack of love in those days now overwhelm me with the sacrifice he was willing to make on our behalf. Getting up before dawn to feed the cows and break the ice on the ponds for a place to drink on those cold Oklahoma winter days. Rising from the heat of a water-cooler-fanned night in the days before air conditioning to repair the many tractors and farm vehicles from around the countryside in his mechanic’s garage, and then tending to the fields of cotton and soybeans and baling the hay until it was time for bed on another hot night only to look forward to doing it all again the next day.

Somehow I am no longer on an episode of Flipper, but am in another well-loved and well-remembered show from my childhood. Every day after school and after chores, I lived the many adventures of Gilligan and his castaway companions: the Skipper, Thurston and Lovie Howell the Third, the Professor, Ginger, and Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island! I recall many specific episodes and even the words to songs from the show, like the episode where Gilligan sings the line from Hamlet “to be or not to be” to the tune of the Opera “Carmen’s Habanera”, or the episode when the girls do a show as the Honey Bees and sing the words “Like a bee needs its buzz, like a peach needs its fuzz, You need me, You need us…” In almost every episode, they long for rescue. But the incredible thing I now remember is just how happy and joyful Gilligan was in spite of his circumstances. Even though I did not experience that same joy as a boy, I believe God was setting me up to live it as the boy gave way to the man.

One of the most amazing things that comes to light in such moments of recollection is how something so seemingly small and insignificant as a silly TV show or sing-song lyric can be used of God to bring about maturity and healing on an epic scale! I am at once reduced to wonder and gratitude. Wonder at the ability of our God to waste nothing, and grateful that He sees the smallness of me and makes a big deal out of it.

Just as I recall Flipper being in black and white and Gilligan being so happy in spite of his need for rescue, those memories used to be in the same monochromatic tones of gray, but now are somehow transformed into the glory of the colors of the rainbow as I re-live them in light of the passage of time. Perspective is everything. Rescue was there all the time. I may not have seen it then, but I see it now. And the black and whiteness of it all gives way to magnificent color. This is the story of taking back stolen ground. It is the story of how ashes can be transformed into heirlooms. It is the story of the incredibleness of seeing my life from a God-perspective. Incredible.

Bedtime

“A kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime—Red Skelton

The rest of this chapter is a short essay I wrote concerning memories that were stirred up as my dad was nearing the end of his time here on earth:

They sent dad home after two days in ICU. Mom said the doctor had prescribed home health care periodically to come in and tend to his needs. I could tell this relieved Mom’s heavy heart. Calling her the next morning, she told me Dad had had a restless night. Knowing my mom, I know she probably did not sleep much - if any…just like when I was a boy…

Mom was the one who always seemed to hear the faintest whimpers in the night. “What’s wrong, Den?” she would whisper. Those whispers were like booming thunder whenever the fear would overwhelm me - or if all I needed was a simple sip of water. Fear of imagined monsters. Fear of imagined alien abduction. Fear of the thunder and lightning booming across the dark night sky, shaking the little farmhouse to the rafters beneath which I slept…engulfing the room in momentary daylight, casting other-worldly shadows that danced menacingly around the attic room where I and my brothers slept.

I can still hear her sweet little voice singing through the night as she sat gently on the edge of my bed, her hand taking my little-boy hand and sending waves of calm assurance coursing through my entire being.

“Oh, be careful little eyes

What you see

Oh, be careful little eyes

What you see

For the Father up above

Is looking down in love

Oh, be careful little eyes

What you see…”

At the same time, I recall singing these same lyrics to my own children when they were trying to sleep through storms in their own nights. Even now, I sing those lyrics to myself, yet with slightly altered words…

“Oh, be careful little mind

What you think

Oh, be careful little mind

What you think

For the Father up above

Is looking down in love

Oh, be careful little mind

What you think…”

Just as these words echoed through my childhood mind, they still give me a place to anchor my thoughts about my dad and mom as they grow older and the inevitable awaits. My choice of thoughts? I choose to see an amazing God who will walk through the process of graduation to heaven with them. Just as I was never truly alone through the storms of my youth, my parents will not be alone through the storms of growing old. And neither will I.

Being born and raised in Oklahoma meant growing up in the direct line of fire called Tornado Alley, a path from west Texas northeastward across the southwest corner of Oklahoma all the way across Oklahoma to the northeast corner and beyond. Bedtime was always made more stressful whenever severe storms threatened. The stress was made palpable as I watched the local weather report with my parents on such evenings.

In those days there were no warning systems in place like all major cities have today. No sirens would sound. And even if there had been sirens in Boynton, that would have been no help to us since we lived so far from town. Our weather reports all emanated from Tulsa and the most trusted weatherman of the day, Don Woods, of ABC affiliate, KTUL-TV, fame.

Don Woods’s demeanor was always that of encourager and protector. His voice spoke with assurance and strength, but what made me want to tune in to the weather report each day - regardless of storm or not - was because Don ended each and every weather forecast by drawing a cartoon character he called Gusty. Right there on-air, Don skillfully rendered Gusty, depicting whatever the current weather conditions were! Like magic being performed right before my eyes, I sat glued to the TV set as Gusty held an umbrella or donned a ball cap and sunglasses or held onto a telephone pole as he held on while being lifted sideways into the air! And to top it all off, he always selected a lucky child from the viewing audience to send the signed drawing to! Though I mailed in my request on more than one occasion, I never heard my name called! The disappointment did not matter to me. Just watching Don Woods draw Gusty with such confidence and imaginative flair, filled me with creative wonder. So much so that, more often than not, I would break out my drawing paper and grab a pencil and try to draw Gusty just as Don had done!

So into Don Woods’ weather report was I that I spent many hours imagining myself a weatherman. In the days before all things digital, the forecast was drawn rather than digitally rendered. Using a map of Oklahoma, Don would use dry-erase markers to draw the lines of the front. Along a cold front, he drew triangles. Along a warm front, he drew semicircles. Often, as Don gave the weather report, I would draw the same fronts on the map of Oklahoma I had drawn by hand on my notepad in anticipation of the forecast! Watching and co-reporting with Don on the 6 o’clock evening news was always my pre-bedtime ritual. As long as Don told me what to expect, I could sleep with assurance.

Just as in life, one can always count on occasional storms in Oklahoma. As native son, Will Rogers famously quipped about our state, “If you don’t like the weather in Oklahoma, wait a minute and it’ll change.” This held true - especially in springtime. Try as I might to prepare for nature’s stormy onslaught, my well-made plans for escape were always thwarted by the first crack of lightning and booming thunderclap!

I remember many stormy nights when the rain would beat down so loudly on the roof directly above my face that I found it difficult to control my thoughts. Like machine-gun fire, the rain pounded on the roof as if it would break through. Between claps of thunder and the piercing darts of lightning I often warred with thoughts of crying out to my mom juxtaposed with thoughts of not wanting my little brothers to think I was afraid.

Don Woods had just told us to expect possible tornadoes, telling us to stay tuned to KTUL and he would keep us updated. Mom and Dad had sent us to bed with the assurance that they would get us up if a tornado warning came across the TV screen. As the wind howled like a thousand screaming demons on the outside of our small farmhouse, all my little-boy thoughts could see was our house being swept up like that little farmhouse in Kansas had been swept up in “The Wizard of Oz”! But I had a plan just in case my parents somehow failed to wake us up!


From my limited references gleaned from past news reports of the aftermath of tornadoes, my thoughts careened between women in curlers and men dressed in their “tightie-whities” reporting from their just-demolished trailer park, their words ping-ponging through my brain. “It sounded just like a freight-train…and then everything started flyin’ though the air around us!”

As the wind and rain pounded the roof above me, I strained intently for the faintest strain of a freight-train! My plan was simple. If I heard the tell-tale sounds of the oncoming “engine”, I would first awaken my sleeping brothers, then we would run downstairs and awaken our parents, then we would all make our way outside to the drainage ditch and the concrete culvert that me and my brothers often climbed though from one side of the highway to the other! I reasoned that once we were all inside the tunnel, the sucking power of the tornado could not reach us! Of course, I never factored in the flooding water that would be gushing through the culvert that would have most assuredly swept us out and into the drainage ditch!

When all else failed, I simply prayed thusly:

“God, if You will spare my life, I will...(fill in the blank with whatever hoop I felt I needed to jump through to please God at the moment)…”

Bedtime, though sometimes scary, was a time of peace in the midst of fear, if you can imagine that. And, imagine I did. Although I find it difficult to remember my dreams now, in the days of my youth, I could will myself to dream certain dreams. My dreams often coincided with whatever my latest reading material might have been. One night, I was running from wolves after reading Jack London’s The Call of the Wild. The next, I was riding through the countryside on the bare back of a horse after reading Anna Sewel’s Black Beauty or swimming across the coastal ocean channel with the wild horses of Marguerite Henry’s Misty of Chincoteague!

More often than not, though, my dreams took place on the starship USS Enterprise. My name was usually Will, my favorite character from the TV series “Lost In Space”. My father was Captain James Tiberius Kirk from "Star Trek”and my dream mom was Doris Day. Every night I found myself on a new adventure. Of course, each adventure consisted of me being taken captive by whatever alien race I had just watched on the latest “Star Trek” episode. The one thing I could always count on was that my dad, Captain Kirk, would always be there to rescue me. Each and every dream ended with my dad materializing with his phaser set not on stun but on destroy. As he dispatched the enemy and saved the day, my mom would appear in my dream singing “Que sera, sera! Whatever will be, will be!” And I woke up with a song on my heart, feeling rescued each morning!

As I think about my dad and mom now that I am becoming an old man myself, I find comfort in those long-ago dreams - and find myself asking God to give my parents such comforting dreams as they head toward Him.

Many were the mornings I was awakened by the sensation of floating and release, only to come to the realization that I had wet the bed. When I was four or five, my mom would patiently strip the sheets and encourage me that this stage in my life would pass…only to find myself stripping the bed as a ten year old hoping my mother would not find the wet sheets in the dirty laundry. If she did, she never let on. I suppose she chose to allow me the dignity of taking responsibility for myself, knowing I would grow out of it. And eventually I did.

Pondering such thoughts as an aging man, I once again find comfort in the memories of the little boy whose legs ached from growing pains and the faithfulness of my mother to gently rub my legs each night until the pain was magically taken by her faithful care and love. I hear the echoes of doing the same for my own children as I sang to them just as my mother had sung to me…as I have no doubt my children now do for their children.

Life goes on even as night approaches. God is faithful like that.

Dennis Jernigan

Red Skelton quote - https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/redskelton388247.html

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/images/download/x-7847114_1920.jpg

Searching

The material below is from my upcoming book “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - the No Parkinson’s Zone”

“The most beautiful things are not associated with money; they are memories and moments. If you don't celebrate those, they can pass you by.”

Alek Wek https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alekwek783092.html

I met my mom at the ER of our local hospital to help her get dad out of the truck and into the wheelchair. Dad had not wanted to call an ambulance that night, opting for the comfort of the Ford Explorer. Waiting for several hours, we joked that he might be seen more quickly if we put dad back in the Ford and drive down the street and called for an ambulance!

Sitting in the ER that night brought the stark reality of life faced with the inevitable ravages of old age. I had never seen dad in any manner other than wise and practical. Now, his moments of incoherence caused my mind a bit of shock to say the least. Juxtaposed with my dad and the state of his health with the birth of my ninth grandchild early that same morning only caused the bittersweetness of melancholy to permeate my shocked mind.

Sitting there in that wheelchair connected to a bottle of oxygen, he began to push his feet back and forth as if he were trying to move. Fumbling with the air tank and hose connecting him to it, dad became more and more restless. Mom leaned over and gently asked him, “Where’re you going, Robert?”

“I’ve got to find the people I came with,” he replied.

The people he came with. That struck me so deeply in that moment. Mom came with him. My brothers came with him. I came into this world with him. How could he forget? I was taken aback by my dad’s confusion. Rather than focus on the darkness of that thought, I forced myself to think on the light. There in the ER I was at once with my dad in his present condition and at once back on the farm as a boy.

Our house. The old farmhouse. The house my grandfather, Samuel Washington Jernigan had built. The story goes that he had ridden his horse up from Mississippi during the 1930s and had settled on the 90 acre farm in Muskogee County three miles north of the small town of Boynton where he and grandma, Myrtle Mae (Snyder) Jernigan, had raised my dad and his two older sisters. Even though I was only 18 months old when my grandfather died, I somehow feel as if I knew him well.

I was told the story by both my mom and my grandma Jernigan of how proud my grandpa was of me. Of how he talked about me and bragged on me constantly to anyone who would listen. Of how he would tote me around and put me in the seat of the truck beside him and carry me all over the countryside, showing me off. Oh, the days before car seats and safety! Being with my dad in the ER somehow brought me to the comfort of such precious memories. And comfort me, they did.

For the first 18 months of my life, we lived in the former oil boom town of Glen Pool, just south of Tulsa. I tell myself that I remember those days, but more probably I recall the faded black and white photograph my mom has shown me through the years of that small gray trailer house with the small rickety swing set in the yard than actually remember. At any rate, I am there and I find peace in that memory.

When I was 18 months old, dad and mom bought the farm where daddy had grown up. The house was simple. No indoor toilet until I was 4 or 5. The water we drank still came from the well my grandfather had dug so long ago. As I remember the house I recall the winter winds causing the linoleum covering the kitchen floor to rise as the wind coursed through and between the cracks in the floor!

Mama had been so proud of the new cabinets daddy built in the kitchen and even more proud of the one room addition he made that gave us a proper living room on the east side of that little house. The living room was in the back of the house and everyone - even visitors - knew the back door was the official entryway. The living room gave way to the kitchen. Turning left from the kitchen was the freezer room where mom kept the large chest deep freeze where she stored the frozen vegetables raised in our garden and where dad stored the beef he had butchered each year.

Turning right from the freezer room, one came to the bathroom daddy added when I was a boy. No longer did we have to use the outhouse my grandfather had built back in the day. And now I chuckle to myself as I remember the day my mom came running from said outhouse as she pulled up her shorts screaming, “Robert, there’s snake in there!” Dad bravely dispatched the snake that had been dangling from the ceiling of the tiny one-seat toilet. Though I used to joke this memory had scarred me for life, I now saw the moment with deep gratitude. For what? Just the life it now infused with joy.

Just past the bathroom was dad and mom’s bedroom. Before it was their bedroom, it had been mine. In this moment I can see the gray wallpaper and the big leaf pattern that reminded me of elephant ears surrounding me with imaginary elephant stampedes. It was this room I shared with my aunt Carol Ann while she finished high school. As I think about those days, I am filled with memories that now seem quite absurd, yet somehow appropriate for a little boy. My bed was right next to the window. During my early childhood there seemed to be frequent UFO sightings. As the evening news detailed the reports of sightings and the occasional alien abduction, it was not lost on me that most of these abductions took place in rural settings…and we lived in a rural setting! Thank God no aliens ever actually appeared at that window - though I often thought they might!

After my aunt left and my brothers began coming along, this room became the bedroom of my parents. The same room I feared yet ventured into when I was about 12 years of age in search of my birth certificate. This was the age of conflict with my parents in which I was convinced I could not possibly have been born to such an uneducated people. The days in which I was convinced I was adopted! Rifling through their chest-of-drawers in search of documentation, I now find it hard to believe I ever had such thoughts! All it takes is one look in the mirror and I see both evidence of my dad and mom looking back at me! The older I have grown, the wiser my parents have become.

When my brothers began to come along, Daddy converted the attic space in that tiny farmhouse into a large room where I and my three little brothers slept. The room where I used thumb tacks to fashion myself a private room by hanging blankets from the ceiling! The same end of the room where I secured my privacy with the window facing the west where the woodpecker woke me pounding on the outside wall each and every morning! The same place from which I planned my escape whenever a tornado threatened. And just then, I am pleasantly startled from my journey through the old house.

After a couple of hours in the ER, my brother Sam and his wife, Leslea, join us. I find comfort in watching my sister-in-law take the initiative to relieve my mom in her effort to comfort my dad. Leslea is a nurse, but she is more. My dad and mom had four boys. Mom had often wished she had had at least one girl. And now before my very eyes, I realized her wish had come true four times over. As Leslea gently caressed my dad’s shoulder, I saw God’s blessing in a whole new dimension. Leslea was more than a mere daughter-in-law. She was a daughter-in-love. Quiet would be the way I have always described Leslea…but in that moment, I saw her as bold and faithful and gentle and strong and comforting and beautiful and needed and as being there - like a daughter to her father would be - should be - in such moments. I saw the blessing of God on our family. I saw just how blessed we are. And gratitude engulfed my soul. And, once again, I am seeing the old house.

Moving back into the kitchen and into the only other room - the front room we called it - one came to the west side of the small house. This is the room where we put up the Christmas tree each year - the tree my dad always fashioned a stand for with his own hands. The room where my mom would pin the many Christmas cards in row after row on the wall. The room where we kept the piano where I would find refuge in the coming years and their angst-filled days.

The actual front door of the house was more like the back door in our minds. If you came to this door and knocked, we knew you must be a stranger! It was in this room where my mom placed the coffee table daddy built for her in front of the small couch. The couch where she placed the two end tables he crafted for her, one on other end. The coffee table where mom kept the family Bible she read to us almost every evening. The room where the water cooler crouched like a dragon in the window spewing out that wonderful damp breeze on so many hot summer nights. The water cooler where me and my three brothers sat proudly dressed in only our underwear. The room outside where, on more than one occasion, I joined my dad and brothers as we peed off the front porch into the dark summer night.

I can still see the outside of the house, brown, grainy, sand-papery siding covering all four sides. The carport daddy built on the south side where he parked his welder and mom parked her car. I smell the dank mustiness of the times when my dad would have me crawl under the house through the tiny crawl-space to help him with plumbing repairs or rescue the puppies that had been born there. Like a maze, crawling beneath the floorboards always seemed so scary yet adventurous to me. Dad was always right there comforting me in the moment as he sensed my fear - and mom was doing the same from the floor above me, as she shouted her words of assurance from above. It was during such moments that I believed I could do anything…that I might find some undiscovered feature of the house…that I might uncover some long-forgotten treasure! Through the nooks and crannies between support blocks and floor joists, I wound my way below the house with my dad and glorious was the moment I emerged from each under-the-house adventure the conquering hero!

Glorious and relieving was the day my dad came home with the brand new antenna for the TV! Climbing up the ladder that day per his invitation to ‘help’ him secure the antenna and attach the wiring, all I could think was ‘I no longer have to stand with my hand on the rabbit-ears! No more antenna-boy for me!’ To me it was like we had just climbed the highest mountain or had touched the sky. I can still see myself up there with him as my little-boy voice cries out to my mom below, shouting, “Look at me, Mama! I’m up here! I can fly!”

In the front yard was a huge mulberry tree. Directly in front of that tree, between the house and highway 62 which ran north and south, we planted our first family garden. To the south, the highway led to Boynton and to the north, it led to Haskell. I recall thinking how busy that highway always seemed to be - until the day I realized just how much more busy traffic was in the big city of Muskogee in comparison! Later, that garden would be moved to the northeast of the house next to the old outhouse. I remember growing Indian corn and popcorn in that first garden from seeds I had planted with my own two hands!

Walking around to the back of the house in my memories, I find myself beside the old well-house and right next to the old elm tree where we had a tire swing. I can still recall the day dad told me when he and his dad had first planted that massive tree so long ago. Dad’s voice sounded so melancholy as he said, “I remember the day we first planted that seed, your grandpa and me. I could jump right over it…”, his voice trailing off in bittersweet memory.

That tree is gone now…but not the memory of it. Funny how certain memories never seem to fade. Memories of an old house. Memories of wind billowing up through floorboards. Memories of musty dirt as a boy crawls in its nether regions with his dad. Memories that bring comfort as I watch an old man who can no longer jump over an elm tree sapling and wonder, “Can you remember, dad? Remember?”

Why?

Why?

The following material is from my upcoming book, “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”

Why did I choose to write the first half of this book as a self-help book and why the second half as memoir? Quite simple. I decided Parkinson’s had robbed me of enough life after 6 and a half years and that I wanted to remember all the good things that happened in my life before the diagnosis. Those two things led me to want to live the remainder of my days with adventure and wildness and danger and meaning, dragging Parkinson’s along for the ride and not the other way around!

I believe life is meant to be lived on the edge. The edge of adventure. The edge of danger and wildness no matter how long I am fortunate to live. I have SCUBA dived with sharks in the Bahamas. I have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane (That’s debatable) at 10,000 feet. I have explored caves which led me to crawl through excruciatingly claustrophobic passageways (My body would no longer fit through now, lol! And I can barely tolerate an MRI today!) following a only a thin strand of yarn for hundreds of feet before it opened up into a glorious cavern first discovered by the Spaniards in the 1500s. I have run from a lightning storm above 10,000 feet near Crestone Peak in Colorado. I Have peed from a mountaintop ledge above 12,000 feet (Because I am a guy, that’s why!). I have ministered on three different occasions at the Pentagon and have stood where Lt. Commander, Brian Birdwell, was doused with jet fuel and burned beyond recognition on September 11, 2001, yet he survived to tell about it. I have been escorted by secret service agents on several occasions as I shared my story of deliverance from same-sex attraction (Not a popular thing…) in Washington, D.C. I and some of my family have been purposely dropped off in a dark alleyway in a very pro-Palestinian area of Jerusalem (dangerous for Americans and Jews) only to be rescued by a friend who speaks the language and overheard the plan in the cab in which he and his family were riding. We were definitely not on Ben Yehuda Street.

I have run out of air while SCUBA diving twice now - both around 40 feet below the surface on Bonaire (Which I think is hilarious because Bonaire means ‘Good Air’). I have done several night dives - on purpose! I have raced my brothers and cousins through wide open hay fields letting our horses go with reckless abandon until tears of joy streamed down our faces due to the velocity. We used to play hide and seek on horseback through the forests. My cousin and I once found an old still on the bank of Cane Creek. We used to take a huge tractor tire’s inner tube and curl up inside of it while our siblings and cousins pushed us down a hill and over a short cliff into the Illinois River in northeaster Oklahoma. My brothers and cousin would have pissing contests out of the window of the barn loft (‘Cause we’re guys!). I started on the high school basketball team all four years and was fortunate enough to play in three state tournaments - which we never won. I was valedictorian of my senior class (all 12 of us!) as was my dad in his class of 52 members. My dad even played in the state basketball tournament when he was in high school…the same small school I went to.

I grew up. Went to college. Was told I had no potential as a song writer and was told I could not overcome same-sex attraction. I graduated. God gave me a new identity through faith in Christ. I began writing music. I married Melinda. We lived an adventurous life and raised 9 children together while traveling all over the country and eventually the world sharing my story and my music. Just a few days before my 60th birthday I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s - the diagnosis came on January 28, 2019 and my birthday is February 9, 1959. Then we were sold a preposterous notion by our government that we were in a pandemic by 2020 and for the past 6 and a half years it was as if the world was at a standstill.

The only problem with me is that I cannot come to a standstill. During that period of time I wrote 2 fantasy novels and 2 books on Parkinson’s, brain fog be damned. I have released 2 music albums from past demos and have about 10 more ready to go! I began writing this book even before brain surgery (DBS). Oh, yeah. Did I mention I had brain surgery? My point is that, for all intents and purposes, we had stopped living in many ways socially, at least - except for our amazing family.

If not for our family, Melinda and I might have dried up and withered on the vine, yet we managed a trip to Australia to see our daughter, her husband, our granddaughters and we managed a trip to see our amazing son and his amazing wife in British Columbia where my son and I managed to paddle board (even with PD!) in ice-cold water which made me feel like a eunuch. Just sayin’. Of course, we have been able to spend much time with our local children and their children and we keep a constant family chat going (By ‘we’ I mean ‘they’). Even having had brain surgery and ridding myself of the brain fog has not kept me from feeling overwhelmed by the constant stream of pictures and information. I have just learned to ask my wife to tell me what is going on and what I need to know! Just this past June, my daughter and I danced to “A Million Dreams” from the film “The Greatest Showman” and as we ended that dance, we went into a choreographed dance to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” (Every pun intended, lol) and the place went nuts as our family went into full-on dance mode for the next 30 minutes. I did not fall once and got all the moves right! Talk about living dangerously and on the wild side! I was toast afterwards but it was completely worth it because of the memories we created for our family. I have never laughed and cried simultaneously for so long as I did that afternoon!

Because PD ravaged my voice, my public concert ministry came to a crashing and sudden halt. It has only been since my DBS procedure that I have begun singing and playing the piano again - at least making a joyful noise! I have even begun writing music again. This feels both adventurous and dangerous to me since I have no doubt people will judge my voice…and I couldn’t care less what others think or say. At least I am living my life out loud and do not intend on stopping any time soon!

Which brings me back to why I am writing this book as both a self-help book and a memoir. A couple of years before my diagnosis, my dad passed away on August 31, 2017. Both he and my mom had worked for me for about 25 years so to have worked so closely with 2 people who gave their lives up for me in very tangible ways for my entire life caused me to reevaluate my entire existence. What you are about to read is how I experienced walking through the shadow of the valley of death with my folks and how that affected the way in which I have continued to live my life. It is not morbid. It is melancholic in many ways, but full of joy as well. What you are about to read are my personal thoughts at certain points along that journey. My hope is that you will be encouraged to keep on living as if this were your last day on earth; that you would practically live your life in the ways I pointed out in the self-help portion of the book; that you would be constantly confronted with joy as you look at what you do have rather than what you don’t. Enjoy the journey.

Dennis Jernigan

The above material is from my upcoming book, “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/chicken-bird-poultry-livestock-7357303/

Parenting These Days

"A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided." — Robert Breault, as cited in NDTV Profit 

“You never have the power to change the heart of your child - only God does. Parents must remember that they are instruments, not redeemers. This truth becomes especially important as children enter adulthood, when control must give away to prayer, humility, and trust in God's work.” Paul David Trip, Parenting.

When writing about my dad and mom in the past, I have alluded to the fact that I believed they did not love me…could not possibly have loved me at certain points in my life. I had believed a lie. I never heard those words ‘I love you’ from my dad until I was already married and had a family…yet he proved his love for me in the way he raised me…laying down his life for me. The reason I am even writing this chapter is that today believing such lies has become a cottage industry in the therapy world and it is designed to tear the family apart. I wanted to put that to rest. There are no perfect parents and there are no perfect families, but we can always work toward being the best we can be. To help illustrate my point, I am quoting from Instagram influencer Tania Khazaal at https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNrLkyOZGPj/?igsh=cnF4cDlmeW5qNmIz

“The Internet is full of ‘five signs your mom is toxic’ or ‘how to go no contact checklists’ and people eating it up like it’s candy. You know why? Because division sells. It's literally the devil’s work and they make profit off destroying families teaching kids to label, defame people who want to unite families, mock parents’ pain, and then discard their parents with zero effort towards repair and then they package it as ‘self-care’ or ‘boundaries’. But there's nothing healthy about encouraging permanent estrangement as the solution. Real healing is freaking hard. It requires communication, humility, forgiveness, and actual solutions. But notice what does go viral - the victim mentality. So instead they spread poison, encouraging children to cut off their families while parents cry themselves to sleep, wondering what went wrong and families deserve better than this reduced trend of pushing the narratives that aren't helping you heal they're actually destroying you.”

Again, I quote Tania Khazaal at https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPhmFUEkgDU/?igsh=MXZoaHk4NGUwaWV5cg==. She says,

“What if trauma that you've been healing from was never even real. In 1995, psychologist Elizabeth Loftus, ran a study where people were told 4 childhood stories. Three true and one completely fake and the fake one was that that they got lost in a mall at five years old and were rescued by a complete stranger. Twenty-five percent (25%) of them remembered it so vividly that they cried and described the details. Their nervous system reacted to it as if it actually happened. Your body can respond to a lie as if it's true. Today therapy sessions that are built on whatever comes up for you - guided, imaginary, hypnosis, regression, and people are treating every vision, every memory, and every emotion is truth and suddenly everyone's a victim now and traumatized.People are cutting off family labeling parents as abusers because of memories that might not even be theirs or twisted into saying that it was abuse. An entire mental health culture now teaches people to trust every feeling and thought as truth, but truth and emotion are not the same thing and this is why families are collapsing because false narratives and emotional reactivity has replaced discernment and forgiveness and connection, convincing them that they're healing when they're actually being programmed to hate to fear to cut off the very people who raised them.”

And one more quote from an Instagram influencer who happens to be a young man who , I would guess, is somewhere between Generation Z or Millennial, named Flamur Berisha at https://www.instagram.com/reel/DO1wWlBkazF/?igsh=MTcyY2tzaGFvbmlwdQ==

“One thing I just can't do is trust people who villainize their parents over every little thing. Seriously, if you turn your back on the people who raised you; on the people who sacrificed for you; on the people who worried while you slept; who can't you turn your back on? Why do you expect me or anyone else to trust you? And to me a part of loyalty means recognizing the people who invested in you, who believed you in good faith, even when their methods were flawed, even when they got it wrong. Turning against them over every small disappointment. That says more about you than it does about them. I'm not saying every parent is perfect, but most of the time blaming and claiming that they ruined your life is all misplaced because it ignores the fact that they sacrifice so much to give you a shot in the world. Standing behind your parents is as simple as seeing the effort behind their choices and not letting resentment ruin your life, and I wish more people had this kind of loyalty.”

Of course abuse can be real, but to call being told ‘no’ is abusive is childish; immature. One of the most mature things I ever did was to stop blaming my parents for my life choices and one thing I am so glad I never did was to cut off my parents. They were not perfect, but they were there. They were not perfect, but they were awesome in the way they provided for and protected my 3 younger brothers and myself. All I need to say is they were there for us. I just wanted to clear that up for any who think my words about believing my parents did not love me are disparaging. That was just a lie I chose to believe for a brief moment in my life.

"Family is not an important thing. It's everything,” according to Michael J. Fox. 

Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/baby-child-father-parent-2616673/

What Is DBS?

This is an unedited chapter from my upcoming book, Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/doubt-portrait-doubts-idea-think-2072602/ You can listen to the 2 part series on The Dennis Jernigan Podcast for free at http://podcast.dennisjernigan.com/e/djs-brain-surgery-part-1-carry-me-away/

“They had me at ‘stimulation’.”

Dennis Jernigan

Recently (August 22, 2025), I underwent deep Brain Stimulation (DBS). It is a surgical procedure that involves implanting electrodes in specific areas of the brain to treat movement disorders such as Parkinson’s disease, essential tremor, and dystonia.

In a mentoring session with three of my grandsons just prior to the surgery, they were very curious about the procedure and I told them my doctor could even adjust the setting for my electrodes via a cell phone. Our grandson, Cullen, then asked, “What if he butt dials you while you’re driving?” That brought our mentoring session to a giggle fest between a 10 year old, an 11 year old, a 12 year old, and a 66 year old! I have since been assured that cannot happen…but it is fun to think about!

I have had Parkinson’s officially since my diagnosis on January 28, 2019. That is 6 and a half years worth of constant tremors and foggy brain and constant exhaustion, not to mention sleepless nights and a constant battle with constipation. The little things that don’t often get mentioned but tend to cumulatively take a toll. But the results of DBS, while understanding there is no cure for Parkinson’s, meant I could have a greater quality of life and besides, they had me at stimulation! I’m a guy, what can I say?!

What exactly is PD? Parkinson’s disease (PD) is a progressive neurological disorder that affects movement, balance, and other bodily functions. The exact cause of PD is unknown, but it is believed to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors. In the brain, cells called neurons that produce dopamine gradually degenerate, leading to a shortage of this neurotransmitter. 

Common symptoms of PD include Tremors (involuntary shaking), Rigidity (stiffness), Bradykinesia (slowed movements), Postural instability (difficulty with balance and walking), Slurred speech, Cognitive problems (such as memory and attention), Sleep disturbances, and very often constipation.

Essential tremor (ET) is a common neurological disorder that causes involuntary, rhythmic shaking or trembling. The exact cause of ET is unknown, but it is believed to be related to abnormalities in certain brain circuits that control movement. Genetic factors may play a role, as ET often runs in families. 

What is dystonia? Dystonia in Parkinson's disease refers to involuntary, sustained muscle contractions that can cause twisting, turning, or repetitive movements. It is a common complication of Parkinson's disease, affecting up to 50% of patients. PD affects each person differently.

To be honest, I believe my Parkinson’s was brought to the surface - if not outright caused by - the loss of my dad and my following knee replacement surgery. As I look back now, I honestly believe their were earlier signs of PD as a result of these two major upheavals in my life. The knee replacement just reminded me I was nearing old age. In fact, a doctor friend of mine who has since passed away asked me what my symptoms were. His response was, “Jernigan, you don’t have Parkinson’s. You’re just getting old!” I still get a kick out of that though because it rings so true and actually make me feel better about my situation. The loss of my dad meant I was next in line, so to speak. Basically, I was drained physically and emotionally and mentally and knew that Melinda was feeling the same way. PD does not affect just the sufferer but those who care for them and I believe it is equal in comparison.

It became my desire to look into DBS after a couple of friends told me of their experience with those who had undergone the procedure and how it had positively affected their quality of life for the better. As I said before, they had me at ‘stimulation.’

In order to be considered for the procedure I had to undergo a 4 hour neurological assessment to see if I was a candidate for the surgery. Math problems. Reciting stories word for word after I was told these stories. Drawing super-detailed drawings after being given only a few seconds to view those drawings. Child-like games that involved matching pictures. This was 4 hours of torture to assess whether I showed signs of dementia. It felt more like they were trying to drive me to dementia! Patients must have a severe movement disorder that is not adequately controlled by medication. My PD was not responding as it once did to the medication so my tremors were more frequent and were growing more intense. Candidates for DBS must be in good overall health and have a reasonable life expectancy. At the time, my neurologist as well as my PCP agreed now was the time for me to pursue DBS because of the frequency and intensity of tremors and because they both felt I could live another 20 years easily.

The patient also undergoes an MRI or CT scan to identify the target brain areas. Mine took place on a Saturday morning at the OU Health Center in OKC
During the actual surgery, a stereotactic frame is placed on the patient's head to guide the electrode placement. This was like a giant clamp that was bolted into my skull to ensure no sudden movements would take place during the procedure. Before the surgery, I was asked if I wanted just the areas of the incisions to be shaved. I told them to make me bald. Just for kicks.

Small incisions are made in the brain, and electrodes are inserted on both sides of the brain. The electrodes are connected to a neurostimulator during a separate surgery which took place on Monday, August 25, which is implanted under the skin near the collarbone, much like a pacemaker. Before this surgery I asked my surgeon just how he was going to get the wires down to the device in my chest. He asked, “Do you really want to know?” I said, “Yes.” He told me he would take the wires that led from the neurostimulators beneath my skin by using a long tool that basically had curves for maneuvering the set of wires just beneath my skin. What he was telling me was that he was going to be burrowing into my skin like the scarab beetles in The Brendan Fraser/Rachel Weise movie “The Mummy”. I just wanted you to get the full picture!

Of course they always have to tell you the risks that are involved with any surgery. There is always the risk of infection, bleeding, cognitive changes, side effects from stimulation, such as pain, muscle spasms, and difficulty speaking. Melinda’s main objections to the procedure was that it could possibly change my personality in some way. My response was, “How could it be worse than how PD itself has changed my personality?” She agreed with me on that one. It’s not so much that my personality changed, but the symptoms of PD had caused a suppression of my ability to joke around and even smile.

I am writing this chapter just short of the four week anniversary of my surgery. I had the implant connected to the device in my chest just a week ago (Monday) and have not had any tremors. I have begun working out again. The fog has cleared from my brain. I even led worship at our small home church Wednesday evening from the piano. I hadn’t done this in months, opting to play worship tracks from my past recordings because I was just too weak and my voice nonexistent. I just feel good now.

Patients typically stay in the hospital for 1-2 days after surgery. After one night I asked to be sent home. We can chalk that up to no rest at all even though I was in the ICU and it involved the need to be catheterized without knowing what the nurse was actually intending to do. Just suffice it to say, when someone takes a hold of your man part and begins to shove a tube the size of a soda straw into said man part, one does not enjoy an atmosphere where that is a constant possibility and reality!


Our youngest son, Ezra, recently moved home because he wanted to start his own company and because we had given him about 8 acres, including the barn in which my studio stands. He has become my landlord! It became a necessity for him to become our driver since I could no longer drive and since Melinda hates driving in the city. This also meant that, by de facto, he has become my backup care giver. I feel sorry for him…but not too much, because he is bluntly honest with me and because we share a very similar sense of humor.

This became quickly apparent as I was being released from the hospital following the initial surgery. He was assigned to help me get dressed. I was just glad to not being seen in my naked glory by one of the many female nurses who had attended to me all through the night. Because I was considered a fall-risk, I needed help with standing. His first job was to help me get into my shorts. I looked at him in my nakedness and said, “I’m so sorry you are having to see this, son.” He just laughed and proceeded to pull my first leg into my shorts. We said together, “One leg. Two legs,” and then we began to giggle like 12 year old boys as we said simultaneously as my man part came into view, “Three legs!” Melinda just looked at us and said, “There is definitely nothing wrong with your brain. Stop corrupting your son.”

Once we got home, it was decided that Ezra would sleep in the bedroom with me on a nearby cot so Melinda could get some rest on the couch. As I walked into the bedroom, it became obvious I was leaning toward the left due to the trauma I had undergone and I could understand why they thought I was a fall-risk. What I did not know was that Ezra had set up motion-detecting lights near my bed in case I got up during the night to pee (They had filled me with so many fluids in the hospital that it felt like I needed to pee non-stop for the next three days). Of course, I had to pee the very first night and thought I would not make it to the bathroom in time, but thanks to Ezra’s carefully placed lights, he was awakened and quickly made his way to his naked dad and took me by the hand and led me to the bathroom, saying, “Dad, you could fall without help.” I said, “I’m sorry you’re having to see me like this.” He just laughed and said, “It’s OK, dad. I love you. It doesn’t matter to me.” This went on for about 5 nights and then Melinda set up an air mattress in the bedroom so as not to disturb me. After the first night, she took away the motion-sensor lights and left me to my own devices! I could tell I was getting better if Melinda was getting tired of the lights coming on every time I needed to pee.

Less than three weeks later, it was time to connect the electrodes in my brain to the device implanted in my chest…and for my tremors to stop!Just before Melinda and I were headed to my neurologist’s office,  we made a video for social media in which Melinda made the statement, “We’re going to get Dennis turned on today!” I immediately snorted and she realized what she had said and then said, “Next week we’ll turn him on,” and I continued to laugh and reminded folks the surgery did include the word ‘stimulation!’

Within a couple of minutes of arriving at my neurologist’s office on the morning of September 12, 2025, we were met by the young man who activates the system as a rep for MedTronics, and my tremor was nonexistent. The young man, Bryan Martray, worked with my neurologist, Dr. Cattaneo, until they came up with just the right frequency for my brain. We have a video of the very moment my tremors ceased. It was very emotional for me and for Melinda as well. Over the next week I have resumed writing, playing the piano, singing, and exercising. My brain fog is gone as well and I can smile again! It’s absolutely amazing. Even though I know I still have PD, I do not feel as enslaved to it as once did.

At times I feel I have cheated the system because I feel so good now. I am exhausted but must remember I just underwent brain surgery - intentional traumatic brain injury that I paid someone to do. My body is also exhausted from 6 and a half years of constant motion in my right extremities. I am so grateful for my surgeon, Dr. Andrew Conner, my neurologist, Dr. John Cattaneo, my PCP, Jason Dansby, and for my on-call technician, Bryan Martray and their wonderful teams. I feel so taken care of.

Since the writing of this chapter, we have set the neurotransmitter to the adaptive mode which, being translated, means I am no longer operating at a certain frequency. The device now adapts to whatever my brain needs at any given moment. While Dr. Cattaneo and Bryan were making the switch, I asked them how long the neurotransmitter would keep the symptoms of Parkinson’s at bay. Their combined response? “Until the day you die!” I feel wonderful and so grateful and thank God for giving mankind the wisdom to create such mind-blowing (pun very intended) agents of healing.

As A Man Thinks

This is an unedited chapter from my upcoming book, Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/doubt-portrait-doubts-idea-think-2072602/

Did you know that our brain and our heart can think independently of one another? As I came into the first three weeks after the initial implantation of the DBS device and before I had the device activated, I felt very, very slow mentally. This began to cause me concern as to whether I had done the right thing or not.

As I was growing up, it never dawned on me to think about my core identity—the deepest part of me that defines who I am. When puberty hit and my sexual identity became more solidified toward attraction to those of the same sex, I began to question a bit. Why was I attracted to other males? How do I fix this? It led me to beg God to change me. When nothing changed, I became disillusioned in my faith, concluding this was simply the way God made me. But the older I became, the less happy I was in a homosexual identity. This lack of happiness led me to question on a deeper level. Is this all there is?

As I became involved with other men who believed they were homosexual, I became more confused. I was constantly told that this was just the way God made me. I was constantly encouraged that I had no choice in the matter at all. Mulling such thoughts over in my mind, I could never quite reconcile these simple answers with the way I felt. This led me to the constant questioning of my homosexuality. Was this truly my nature or was there more to the story? The more I questioned my homosexual identity, the more desperate those questions became.

Desperation led me to wonder whether or not I might just have a choice in the matter after all. I will not detail my story here. If you want to know more about how I came to the place of belief I now walk, read my autobiography, Sing Over Me. Suffice it to say, I came ultimately to the conclusion that I did not have a choice as to what would tempt me (same sex attraction), but I always had the choice as to how I would respond to it. After coming to faith in Christ, my worldview became Christ-centered. This new focus became the bedrock from which I launched the journey of renewing my mind, completely altering the way I would think from that point on!

Where is core identity found? In our body? In our genitals? In our feelings? In our heart? In our mind? Is identity found in our culture—the way we were raised? Is it found in our ethnicity or our nationality? Is it found in our personality type or in our profession? Is it to be found in the way others perceive us? Does our sexuality define us? How about our religion? How about our language? Are we defined by our genetic code? Are we defined by our convictions or causes (pacifist, environmentalist, Black Lives Matter, conservative, liberal, etc.)? Are we defined by our looks? Some would say it is a combination of all these things that make us who we are. The scientific community would sum it up like this: identity is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks, and/or expressions that make a person who they are. Identity is conscious awareness.

But let’s think logically about where all these various defining things emanate from. Do they not all begin and end with the way we think? Could it be our identity begins and ends with the mind? Could it be that in order to alter our undesired habits and ways of thinking about ourselves we need but change the way we think? I know this is easier said than done, but isn’t our well-being worth the work required to obtain it? Identity is conscious awareness as received in our thoughts. It is our human mind!

We are constantly thinking about ourselves. How does that person view me? What do I want to eat? What shall I wear today? Do I like hanging around that person? How will spending time with them benefit my life? Will this job pay enough to finance my vision for my life? Will that vaccination hurt me? How will this election affect me? Even in our sleep we never stop talking to ourselves. Never. The way we think about ourselves has a direct affect upon the way we live our life. The way we think affects our view of reality. My reality was forever altered the day I decided to live and think about myself according to the way my Maker designed me. Of course, this flew directly in the face of the way I felt. The best decision I ever made was to stop defining myself by the way I felt and start living according to the Truth as defined by God and His Word. This began the most incredible journey of my life!

What does it mean to know something in one’s heart? This can be confusing, yet we hear such questions all the time. How many times have you heard a question such as, How do I get that knowledge from my head to my heart? And that is a perfectly good question, especially when we hear of scientific studies proving that the heart does indeed have brain-like cells, giving it the ability to think independently of the brain!

Simply put, science is coming to the place of thinking that the thoughts produced by the heart act as a communication between the various cells and organs of the body, acting as a sort of synchronizing signal for the entire body! The way I think about this news is that the mind defines us in our core and the heart carries this information to the rest of our body! While this is fascinating to know, for our intents and purposes I will conclude that identity begins and ends with the way we think about ourselves in our mind. What does it mean to know something in one’s mind? Could it be said that one is defined by what one thinks of him/herself?

Could it be that, ultimately, we should define ourselves according to the way our Maker designed us? If we have as our thought-foundation a Christ-centric worldview, then we must come to this conclusion found in God’s Word:

For as he thinks within himself, so he is. (Proverbs 23:7)

In order to renew one’s mind, one must operate from some point of view. My freedom and new identity came from allowing God to define me—came from seeking to know His, the Maker’s, point of view concerning Dennis Jernigan. The following are some of the questions He confronted

me with accompanied by the answers He showed me according to His Word:

1. Why did God make man and woman?

From my own experience with and study of God’s Word, I believe there is a two-fold reason God made man and woman. This is what the Word of God says:

Be fruitful and multiply… (Genesis 35:11)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…

(Ephesians 5:25)

My conclusion after reading the Word and viewing my life from God’s point of view? Man and woman were created by God and commanded to make babies! If He created me to be a man, it was for the purpose of making more people! That cannot be accomplished according to God’s design by having sex with another man. Cannot be done. God desired more of us because He created us for fellowship with Him. The sin of mankind was the problem. Where does sin derive from? Man thinking it’s all about him! Sin comes from stinkin’ thinkin’!

2. What is the primary purpose of sex?

God made sex for the purpose of procreation. He made it pleasurable so we would want to experience it. Pure and simple, without sex there would be no more humans. There is nothing wrong with pleasure as long as it is derived within the confines of God’s ultimate design. After settling that God was God and that His design would define me, the questions became even more specific.

3. Did God give you a penis and testicles or did He give you a vagina and ovaries?

Having a penis and testicles defined me as being physically male. Being physically male made me wonder why I did not have feelings of attraction to the opposite sex. Concluding that I had been lied to was the first step in putting off the lies about the way I felt—or did not feel! Although I initially did not feel attracted to women, I did have the desire for a family. This led me to the conclusion that if that desire was there, then it must be part of my design to feel attracted to a woman. From that conclusion, I came to the place of realizing that my feelings of attraction to other men was simply as a result of wrong thinking. The reality became simple to me at that point. Whenever I felt attraction to another man, I renounced it as a result of wrong thinking and replaced that wrong thinking with simple thoughts like…God made me physically a man; therefore he made me to think like a man. I want to see a woman in the way God designed me to see her. Father God, please replace the wrong thoughts with right thoughts and replace the wrong feelings with right feelings.

The more I changed the way I thought, the more my true needs and desires were met. My despair over my feelings was slowly but surely being replaced with right feelings due to the way I was now thinking! God’s Word says in Psalm 37:4,

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

The more I sought relationship with Him through the ways I thought about Him and His Word and how it applied to my life, the more my feelings changed. Even my sexual attractions toward men began to be replaced by attractions to women. So much mental healing had taken place in my life from 1981 to 1983 that I was able to realize a dream I never thought possible due to my homosexual feelings. I was able to marry Melinda, and as of this writing, I have been married for over forty-two years, have 13 awesome children, and nine incredible grandchildren…so far!

The changing of the way I thought about myself actually began much more simplistically than that. To renew the way I thought about myself as a man, I asked the Lord to reveal any wrong thinking I had about myself. In order to do this, I realized that I had been listening to the liar for far too long in my existence. But how would I cut off the voice of the liar? I went on what would become a twelve year fast from all the other voices of influence that were not God centered. From 1981 until 1993, I did not listen to pop/secular music. I did not watch TV. I listened to only voices that built me up according to God’s design for my life. In the process, I learned to discern the voice and will of God more clearly.

As I silenced the other voices, I gave God the freedom to speak to me in any form He chose for me. His Word became alive to me. From reading God’s Word, I discovered how loving and for me He was! I discovered He was never disgusted with me but was disgusted with my sin. I discovered that I no longer had to perform for His love and acceptance. It had always been my choice to receive or reject! That Truth alone changed everything! Gone were the days of trying to prove my worth by my performance. This meant I performed because He loved me rather than so He would love me!

The more I discovered about Who He said He was, the more I discovered who He designed me to be. He is holy. I am set apart for His purposes in this life. He is righteous. I am to walk righteously. He is peace. He has planted a heart of peace in me and set my mind at peace. He is

Healer. I am here to be an agent of His healing power. He is Provider. I am here to be an agent of His provision. He is Shepherd. I am here to guide others to Him. He is always there. I am never alone. He is victorious over sin. I am no longer a victim of my own sin but am victor over it because

of Him!

Even though my circumstances did not change, the way I viewed them did! I could choose to think what thoughts I wanted to think. That was incredible news and incredibly freeing. Rather than overthinking everything about myself from a man-centric point of view, I could simplify my thought processes to such a degree that freedom was the result simply by allowing the Word and intended design of God for me as the filter through which I viewed reality.

So much healing has come to my mind to this point that it is difficult for me to believe I ever thought I was gay in the first place. Let that sink in. Freedom comes from the way we choose to think about ourselves. Will you allow stinkin’ thinkin’ to define you? Will you let past failure define you? Will you allow other people to define you? Will you allow feelings to define you? Will you allow temptation to define you? Will you allow bad habits define you?

If there is something that you habitually think about yourself that you do not desire, could it be said you are allowing that thought to define you? Why put up with that way of thinking? Does your desire for drugs define you or do they reveal a deeper need for thinking about your circumstances in a new way? Will you be content with being a victim of your own stinkin’ thinkin’ or will you choose to seek victory over that way of thinking? The choice really is yours.

One of the best things I ever did to facilitate right thinking about myself as a man was to enlist the help of others in my life. I felt guilty about the failures of my life, especially in regard to my sexual failure. I felt so much shame that I believed the lie that I was not worthy of someone else’s time or effort or love. Guilt is the awareness that I did something wrong. Shame is the belief that I am something wrong. We kick shame to the curb by getting to the Truth of God’s Word and the reality of His design for us as new creations. When I dealt with my shame in honesty and came to the mental confusion that Jesus Christ had born all my shame on the cross, I took the first step toward Truth and freedom: I got honest with myself. I got honest with God. I got honest with others.

One of my choices was to surround myself with people who would help me walk in the Truth of my God-designed identity. To this day, I practice this in my life. My wife and my children have the freedom to remind me who and Whose I am. One of my personal rules is that Dennis Jernigan does not get to call himself something his Father does not call him. I cannot even get away with little slip-ups like saying to myself, “Stupid idiot” when I do something boneheaded! My wife and my children automatically say to me, “Is that who you really are?” or, “Is that who God says you are?” And I love it because I know they absolutely love me and want nothing but what is best for me. Stinkin’ thinkin’ is recognized in the moment. I put it off and replace it with the Truth…and move on down the road to my whole identity in Christ!

No longer do I define myself as ex-gay. No longer do I define myself as a recovering or formal homosexual. No longer do I define myself. My Father has that place in my life, and He uses other people to help me. I am what and who His Word says I am. And so are you. Would you be willing to consider seeing yourself from a whole new point of view

The Road to Freedom

People ask me so often, “Was your healing instantaneous or was it gradual?" My answer to both questions? “Yes!"

I can honestly say that the power of perversion was instantly broken in my life because I suddenly had the power to rise above the most appealing of temptations. I now find it difficult to believe I was ever involved in any such perversion. I have been given a new nature - I am a new man!

Growing up, I often heard preachers speak about humankind having two natures. I always wondered what that really meant. Are there two Dennis Jernigans who make up who I am? That idea didn't make sense to me, but because I accepted what people told me rather than searching out truth for myself, the Enemy had me right where he wanted me- confused. Now I see that if I have an old nature and a new nature, then I am not really healed. I believe a better description of being born again is that there is a dead Dennis and a living Dennis. The old Dennis has no more power. He's dead. The power belongs to the living. Since I believed right away that I was somebody brand new, by faith I began to immediately see myself from God's perspective, placing his thoughts and proclamations about me above my own! Instantly!


But healing is also a process. I had lived twenty-two years believing one way about God and about myself. I told myself early in my journey that I was willing to walk out this process of freedom for another twenty-two years – or more – if that was what was required. Overcoming homosexuality was the easy part. Getting to the root of my self-destructive thought life was a different matter. Unless we kill the root of the weed of sin in our life, that weed will always sprout back up. God has taken me on a trip through the garden of my life, pulling up all sorts of weeds and he continues to do so.


God's Word says that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge" (Prov. 1:7). I fear (or honor) God by putting aside what I once thought or believed and putting on what his Word tells me to be true. After all, his ways and his thoughts are higher than mine. He is God. I am not!


The journey of healing is much like the description of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. As soon as Lazarus was raised, he was living and free, but he was still bound by his graveclothes. To be raised from the dead is, in itself, quite an awesome thing; not being able to enjoy your life once you are raised up would be a shame. But as soon as the graveclothes were removed from him, he was truly free!


What were some of my graveclothes? Certain relationships. I had to cut off those who enabled me to sin. Certain music. For more than ten years I refused to listen to any music, secular or sacred, that led my mind away from truth. Certain mannerisms and attitudes. I decided that if God had brought about a change in my heart, then that change should logically be visible on the outside. Certain places, attitudes, and mementos from my past. I exchanged these for something better: God's best.


I now have years of freedom under my belt, but I still get up every day and realize that I cannot make it one step without God's love and power in my life. Apart from his grace, I would surely fall away. Does that statement mean I am any less whole? No way! Just dependent upon God's strength and not my own!


The journey toward Jesus, toward wholeness and freedom, is never-ending. When I fall or trip or make a wrong turn, I get up or steady myself or turn around and keep heading toward Jesus. The joy is knowing he will meet us at each place and will be faithful to complete the work he has begun in our hearts!


MEDITATION

• Is freedom a one-time occurrence or an ongoing journey?

• How has redemption changed your outlook upon life?

• How does this affect the level of hope you have?

• How does this affect the visions and dreams of your life?


TRUTHS FOR MEDITATION


The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
Proverbs 1:7


If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
--Mark 3:24--25


He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 1:6

Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/trees-forest-lake-road-painting-7710539/

Back to the Basics

I love basketball, and I love to play the game. You might even call me a basketball player. But is my skill such that I could play in the NBA? Hardly. The skills required to play the game and the skills required to play in the NBA are on totally different levels. Knowing God and walking in freedom are also on different levels. Our freedom can only rise to the NBA level as we practice being who he says we are.


One young basketball player neared the point of rage with himself as he once again missed what would have been the game-winning free throw. He hated the feeling of failure —the feeling of knowing he had disappointed his teammates, let his coach down, and snatched defeat right out of the jaws of victory! This young man overflowed with natural talent and had been endowed with a sixth sense for basketball. To look at him you would think, This kid is unstoppable. He can write his own
ticket.


He knew all the right things to do. Hadn't the coach told him and told him time after time? "Take a deep breath. Rest the ball in the palm of your right hand. Guide the ball with your left hand. Let the ball roll from your fingertips and follow completely through in one fluid motion." Yet he continued to fall
back into his old playing habits. Sensing his son's frustration and not wanting him to give up, the young man's father took him aside as the dejected home crowd slowly filed out of the gymnasium. "Son, I know you know this: You have been blessed with an amazing talent. But until you follow your coach's instruction, you will never realize your fullest potential --you will never be what you have been gifted to be."


The boy's heart had been broken. "Dad, what can I do? I really want to change. I just don't know how."
 The crowd was all gone now. The boy and his father were left standing at the free-throw line. "Son, explain to me the proper technique of shooting a free shot." The boy spoke all the right words and even pantomimed the technique for his dad. “Now, son, pick up the ball and show me the proper form for shooting a free shot." The boy threw the ball- and missed!


"Don't you see, son? You say all the right things, but you don't do all the right things. Until you can put off your bad habits and put on the good ones, you'll be just another basketball ‘wannabe.' Is that what you really ‘wannabe' ?"


From that night on, the boy diligently practiced his technique… in front of his coach… in front of his dad… even in front of the bathroom mirror! Soon, the old habits became so distant in his memory and the new habits brought such success that it was as if he had never struggled to shoot a free throw in
his life. He was soon given another opportunity to win a game at the free-throw line. And the ball went in! There would be other times as well. Some he won. Some he didn't. But in putting off the old and putting on the new, he was never again haunted by failure because failing only reminded him to go back to the basics and rest in what he knew was right.


True freedom will only bloom in your life when you put on the truth of who God says you are. Knowing who God wants you to be is not the same as practicing who he wants you to be. When life gets complicated and failures abound, turn your heart and mind back to the basics. Remember who you are in Christ, practice being who God says you are, and in time, you'll be walking in the NBA hall of freedom.

MEDITATION


What of the old you was washed away?

What can you do to help the maturing/growth process of your identity along?

Are there any old habits you need to take off?

What truths do you need to put on in their place?

Do you feel truly free in Christ?

TRUTHS FOR MEDITATION



Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do
 not think about how to gratify the desires of the
 sinful nature.
 -Romans 13:14


For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable,
and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed
up in victory." "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to
God! He gives us the victory through Our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
--1 Corinthians 15:53-58


You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You
were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
 -Ephesians 4:20--24


 Allow the Lord to show you areas where you have not taken off the old. Then receive the new and put it on in the place of the old.

Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/images/download/x-5083097_1920.jpg

Make Me More Free

What is freedom? Is freedom the opportunity to do anything you want as long as it feels right? No.


Freedom means not being imprisoned or enslaved. Jesus set me free from sin and the bondage of my old identity. I thought I was free when I could do as my body and soul dictated. This type of "freedom," the freedom to sin, only led me to death and destruction. True freedom always results in life. Always.


Freedom means being at liberty. At one time I was controlled
by the Enemy to a certain extent. He knew how to get me to
think wrong thoughts. I was controlled by my feelings rather
than by God's feelings for me. Jesus set me free to submit will-
fully to his control of my life. This type of free submission always leads to life. Always.


Freedom means to be governed by consent. I was not set free to become a mindless zombie for the Lord. The beauty of the freedom we find in Christ is that we have the choice to follow him. Submission to love and holiness can by no means be compared to the bondage of sin. I submit to Christ and to my new identity because he loves me dearly. I can follow a love that lays down its life for me.


Freedom means not controlled by obligation or the will of
another. Jesus offered me salvation and a brand-new identity as a free gift. I did not have to earn it. All I had to do was receive it. I willfully follow him because of the love and faithfulness he has demonstrated to me.


Freedom means not being affected or restricted by a given condition or circumstance. The things that used to affect my behavior and restrict my ability to function rationally -- bitterness, lust, disappointments, and emotional wounds -- no longer affect me as they once did. I have seen them for what they are — powerless!
 Freedom means not being subject to external restraint. No outward circumstance- - even prison- can affect my inward identity. Nothing. Why? Because I am free!


How free do we have to be to be considered free? When a
mighty oak tree bears fruit and a seed is produced, new life
begins for a brand-new oak tree. Everything that oak will ever
be is already inside that seed. You could truthfully hold up an
acorn and say, "Look at this mighty oak!" No, the tree is not
actually grown yet, but with each phase of growth, the tree
becomes more of what it already is. We, as new creations, are no different. You could look at a baby in Christ and say, "Look at
this mighty man of God!" That new creation is every bit a child
of God as the believer who has known Christ for fifty years!
With each phase of growth, the new creation becomes more of
what he or she already is. Identity cannot change once we are
in Christ; levels of maturity and understanding can.


When I was first set free, I was as much a new creation as I
would ever be. Why did I still struggle with sin? Because I had
been ingrained for twenty-two years with the notion that I was
homosexual, yet in an instant that identity was changed. I was like a baby learning to crawl and then stand and then walk
and then run ... and then soar above the old me! I was alive yet
bound up in all the lies and misconceptions about myself and
God. I wanted more than just to be alive. I wanted to use that
aliveness, that freedom, to spread my spiritual wings and soar
above sin and sorrow and the cares of this world. I wanted life,
and I wanted it abundantly.


By putting off the old and putting on the new, I spread my
wings of faith and soared above sin and sorrow to discover new
vistas of reality I never dreamed possible.

I am no longer bound to sin or its power.


I have power over sin!


I no longer fear the risk of rejection love brings.


I willfully lay down my life like Jesus.


I no longer wonder about why I exist.


I know beyond a shadow of a doubt because I know


the One who gave me life.


 I know my Creator in an intimate and freeing way! He has
made me to soar with wings of faith. Like an eagle soars over the
rocky crags and treacherous cliffs, I now set my eyes on Jesus and
spread my wings. I am learning to ride the winds of the Spirit
and soar above the temptations of life. Trials and tribulations
now represent opportunities to experience God's grace, and
each encounter with my God leaves me amazed that life just
seems to keep getting better and better!
 This is freedom. To know God and to be known by him sets
me free. I only want more! Make me more free, Father. I love you!


MEDITATION

What does freedom mean to the world?

What does freedom mean to you?

What are some areas in which you would like to experi-

ence more freedom?

What does freedom have to do with identity?


TRUTHS FOR MEDITATION


Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is
the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the
earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his
understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength
to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men
stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will
renew their strength. They will soar on wings like
eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will
walk and not be faint.
-Isaiah 40:28—31


 Ask the Lord to allow you to sleep and dream of all the
things you want to soar above in this life. See it as the truth
and let this truth set you free!


“Even in their sleep…”
--- Psalm 127:1 NASB



Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-jump-backpack-jumping-leap-1868817/

We Are Strong in the Lord

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NIV 3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

This song came to me on August 8, 1989. Here’s how the song was born: While leading the body of Christ in praise, it became apparent to me that part of my job as a worship leaded is to encourage the body of Christ to rise up and assume the identity God has given them. Overcomers. Victors. Mighty Men and Women of Valor. We are triumphant because Christ is triumphant over sin, over death, and over the enemy!

We are strong in the Lord, not by our own strength, but by His. We are called to be warriors who do not allow the enemy to overrun us. Rather, we are called to storm the very gates of hell. This song came as an admonition to believers to walk in their true identity. It is a song of boisterous praise to our God, boldly proclaiming who we are as a result of who He is!

One of the things my wife and I practice is speaking the truth out loud to God, to our own minds, and to the Liar. We verbally and mentally and spiritually put him and his lies underneath our feet by faith in the Word of God. We also remind ourselves of who and Whose we are - out loud. There just is something powerful about speaking God’s truth into our own atmosphere. And even when we fail or when we fall or when we feel wounded by the lies of the enemy, we do not become victims. We rise up as victors over the Liar and his lies by getting up from where we fell and heading with all our might toward the finish line. And what is that? Jesus! We head right to Jesus! The only failure is the man or woman who falls or gets knocked down and just decides to not get back up.

Let’s be the soldiers of the cross we are called to be and let’s boldly speak forth the word of truth in spiritual warfare against the enemy. And while we’re at it, let’s help others in their battles. Fight for your spouse. Fight for your children and grandchildren. Fight for your friends. Help bind up the wounds of the fallen and help them get back up and get back to fighting. I’ll tell you this: Knowing Jesus Christ intimately is worth every battle and every struggle I have ever had to go through. To Him, I was worth dying for. To me, He is worth dying for…and worth living for.

And remember this: the loss of one battle does not equal the loss of the war. Just keep getting back up. War is devastating at times, yet necessary in the spiritual realm in which we live our true reality. Don’t be a timid warrior. Be a bold and relentless warrior in the army of God. That’s really who you are.

Dennis Jernigan

You can find my music on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Deezer, Amazon Music, YouTube, Soundcloud, and Tidal.

Dennis Jernigan

You can hear this song and worship along by copying this link and pasting it into your search field - https://youtu.be/LC8aZTrE02s?si=0sqnvxonU734-cJh



Ephesians 6:10 NIV 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

We Are Strong in the Lord WORDS & MUSIC Dennis Jernigan August 8, 1989


Verse

We wrestle not with flesh and blood
But with the forces of night,


We've overcome them by the blood
Of the King Lord Jesus Christ!

Chorus
We are strong in the Lord in the strength of his might!


Strong in the Lord we will stand and fight!
Strong in the Lord as we stand and sing!


Strong in the Lord as we praise the King of kings,
Lord Jesus Christ!

Verse


Stand firm in the armor of our God

,
And pierce the darkness with light.


All praise to the overcoming God;
Let us lift our sword and fight!


Chorus
We are strong in the Lord in the strength of his might!


Strong in the Lord we will stand and fight!


Strong in the Lord as we stand and sing!


Strong in the Lord as we praise the King of kings,
Lord Jesus Christ!

Getting My Wings

I’m going to share a little story with you that describes how I felt when I was trapped in the bondage of sin. It’s about a little boy who thought about himself the way I once thought about myself.

The boy had been raised by creatures of the darkness. Yet he was not one of them.
 These evil creatures lived in a cave beneath the surface of
the earth and only ventured beyond their self-imposed prison in 
order to capture others and indoctrinate them, enslaving them 
to their dark way of life.


The boy had actually come from a race of winged men,
 those who were born to fly. But the creatures of darkness had 
bound his wings, and they were dismissed as useless appendages that had lost their usefulness through the evolutionary process.


He soon learned it was better not to mention the wings - to
 deny their very existence. The dark ways seemed right to him, 
and his life seemed "normal." It was all he knew. So what if he 
tripped and fell a lot? So did everyone else. So what if he was constantly bombarded by injuries and the limits of the dark life? 
So was everyone else.


His painful, dark life continued until the day he caught a 
glimpse of fluttering whiteness streaking by the cave entrance.
 Captivated and curious, he approached the surface and was
 again surprised by the brilliant whiteness and graceful motion of 
wings! Wings just like the ones on his own back…wings that
 were no longer useful wings that were a part of his long-
forgotten identity. In a daze over what he had seen, he was
 astonished and blinded as one of the winged men snatched him 
from the pit and began bathing him with pure light. Wanting to 
fight at first, his fears melted into peace as the winged men surrounding him began to unbind the clothing of darkness that 
bound his wings.


He knew that he was somehow seeing himself in their face, 
yet he could not move until he accepted the truth: He had
believed a lie about himself. He had been born to fly yet had 
given years to the darkness and its misery, thinking that was all
 he deserved. As he embraced his true identity, his wings began 
to move and the boy ascended above the darkness and took
 his rightful place among the winged men!


Isn't that a true picture of our lives in sin? Even after we are
 saved, we often grovel in the darkness of the past since that is 
all we have known, since that is who we believed we really were. 
Yes, perhaps I was once homosexual, but that was not God's
 intention for me. When he redeemed me, he gave me a brand-
new identity (see 2 Cor. 5:17). Having a brand-new identity
after living my "old" life for so long was quite revolutionary. I had believed that I was born homosexual, yet God said my 
homosexuality was part of my old nature and that he had given 
me a new nature! That meant I had to put off a lot of what I 
formerly believed to be true and, in turn, put on what he now
 revealed to me to be true! Yes, just as I had to learn a whole new
 way of thinking about who God is, I also had to do the same in
regard to my own character, or nature.

I also had to face the truth that I could not have two
 natures. There is only one "me." The old me is dead and buried
with Christ. The new me is learning -- much as a child learns to
 crawl, walk, then run -- how to live my new life! If God is all he
 says he is, and if I am his child, then certain things are part of
 my heritage -- they are my birthright, my identity as being "of 
God" -- and I must cling to the truth of who I really am! Failure
 or sin on my part does not constitute a rejection of that identity. 
It simply reaffirms my great need to be in close relationship with
 my Father. After all, the gifts and calls of God are irrevocable!
 You are who he says you are no matter what you feel or perceive!
 (see Rom. 11:28--36).


We really have only touched the tip of the iceberg of who 
God is. But what does that mean for us? We have only touched 
the tip of the iceberg of who we are! I find it easier and easier to
 put off the old me because I like who God is showing me I am!


Do not give up in your quest to know him. As a warrior, he
 has fought and won the war, and he will lead you through your
 personal battles. He will give you your wings!

 Here are a few questions to help you mediate on who you are as a new creation in Christ.

Where would you be without Jesus Christ?

Luke 7:47 tells us that those who understand that they have been forgiven much, love much! How much do you love him?

What does it mean to be his child, his possession, a new creation, a royal subject, a priest, a warrior, accepted, beloved, his servant, his delight?


Here are some basic truths from God’s Word to, again, help you meditate on who you are as a new creation in Christ:


You have made known to me the paths of life; you
will fill me with joy in your presence
---Acts 2:28


We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so
that you also may have fellowship with us. And our
 fellowship is with the Father and with his Son,
 Jesus Christ.
--1 John 1:3

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you your spiritual wings. As 
you sleep, spread your wings of faith and discover more of your 
true identity in Christ.


Dennis Jernigan - an excerpt from the Dennis Jernigan book, This Is My Destiny.

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/feathers-wing-angel-wings-wood-4661244/

Count Your Blessings

1 Thessalonians 5:15-19 NIV

15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 19 Do not quench the Spirit.

Something I have recently been made aware of is just how inspiring a positive point of view is. As I watched a John Eldredge video in which he simply felt led to count his blessings in preparation of the coming new year, it dawned on me that having a grateful heart - regardless of my circumstances - had always been a great part of my creative process. In fact, it is one of God’s admonitions for all believers to ‘give thanks in ALL circumstances’. I decided to kick off 2026 by doing just that. What I discovered was that I have so much to be grateful for that I won’t bore you with everything I came up with. Just the highlights!

Of course I began with my relationship with Jesus and His saving grace and then immediately thought of my wife of 42+ years, our nine children and their spouses, our 13 grandchildren - so far - extended family, friends, Keith & Melody Green, Annie Herring and 2nd Chapter of Acts, clothing, food, shelter, water, provision, a godly point of view, good health in spite of Parkinson’s, my recent brain surgery, the many books He has inspired and allowed me to write along with all the music, and I can keep going, but, as I said, I do not want to bore you. I can honestly say that every book I have written along with every song I have received have come as a direct result of simply counting my blessings.

Of course, there have been so many other people in my life that have caused me to count my blessings. Something that has made me even more grateful is to look at the lives of many celebrities who either suffer with or suffered with Parkinson’s. I am not grateful they got the diagnosis but I am grateful to see how others have dealt with it. Michael J. Fox (diagnosed at age 29 in 1991. As of this writing he is 64 years old…two years younger than me), Alan Alda (diagnosed in 2015), Muhammed Ali (diagnosed in 1984), George H.W. Bush (diagnosed with vascular Parkinsonism in 2012), Neil Diamond (diagnosed in 2018), Brett Favre (diagnosed in 2024), Billy Graham (diagnosed in 1993), Linda Ronstadt (diagnosed in 2012), along with so many others I had no idea about.

As I have thought about the many blessings of my life I would also have to include the many years I lived in the depravity of my sin, being bullied when I was younger, death threats due to my testimony along with being mocked, rejected, scorned and the like. Why would I include these among my blessings? Because they each, when placed in the hands of God and seen from His point of view, have been used of God to mold me into the man I am today and that tends to inspire me to want to be a blessing to others.

If you want to be inspired to greater depths of creativity, just begin to count your blessings. The view from this vantage point is beyond inspiring. It is life to me.

"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered." - Proverbs 11:25

"Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting is the way. Generosity begets generosity." - Luke 6:38 MSG

Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/worship-god-religion-christianity-2775770/

As A Man Thinks in His Heart

Did you know that our brain and our heart can think independently of one another? As I came into the first three weeks after the initial implantation of the DBS device and before I had the device activated, I felt very, very slow mentally. This began to cause me concern as to whether I had done the right thing or not.

As I was growing up, it never dawned on me to think about my core identity—the deepest part of me that defines who I am. When puberty hit and my sexual identity became more solidified toward attraction to those of the same sex, I began to question a bit. Why was I attracted to other males? How do I fix this? It led me to beg God to change me. When nothing changed, I became disillusioned in my faith, concluding this was simply the way God made me. But the older I became, the less happy I was in a homosexual identity. This lack of happiness led me to question on a deeper level. Is this all there is?

As I became involved with other men who believed they were homosexual, I became more confused. I was constantly told that this was just the way God made me. I was constantly encouraged that I had no choice in the matter at all. Mulling such thoughts over in my mind, I could never quite reconcile these simple answers with the way I felt. This led me to the constant questioning of my homosexuality. Was this truly my nature or was there more to the story? The more I questioned my homosexual identity, the more desperate those questions became.

Desperation led me to wonder whether or not I might just have a choice in the matter after all. I will not detail my story here. If you want to know more about how I came to the place of belief I now walk in, read my autobiography, Sing Over Me. Suffice it to say, I came ultimately to the conclusion that I did not have a choice as to what would tempt me (same sex attraction), but I always had the choice as to how I would respond to it. After coming to faith in Christ, my worldview became Christ-centered. This new focus became the bedrock from which I launched the journey of renewing my mind, completely altering the way I would think from that point on!

Where is core identity found? In our body? In our genitals? In our feelings? In our heart? In our mind? Is identity found in our culture—the way we were raised? Is it found in our ethnicity or our nationality? Is it found in our personality type or in our profession? Is it to be found in the way others perceive us? Does our sexuality define us? How about our religion? How about our language? Are we defined by our genetic code? Are we defined by our convictions or causes (pacifist, environmentalist, Black Lives Matter, conservative, liberal, etc.)? Are we defined by our looks? Some would say it is a combination of all these things that make us who we are. The scientific community would sum it up like this: identity is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks, and/or expressions that make a person who they are. Identity is conscious awareness.

But let’s think logically about where all these various defining things emanate from. Do they not all begin and end with the way we think? Could it be our identity begins and ends with the mind? Could it be that in order to alter our undesired habits and ways of thinking about ourselves we need but change the way we think? I know this is easier said than done, but isn’t our well-being worth the work required to obtain it? Identity is conscious awareness as received in our thoughts. It is our human mind!

We are constantly thinking about ourselves. How does that person view me? What do I want to eat? What shall I wear today? Do I like hanging around that person? How will spending time with them benefit my life? Will this job pay enough to finance my vision for my life? Will that vaccination hurt me? How will this election affect me? Even in our sleep we never stop talking to ourselves. Never. The way we think about ourselves has a direct affect upon the way we live our life. The way we think affects our view of reality. My reality was forever altered the day I decided to live and think about myself according to the way my Maker designed me. Of course, this flew directly in the face of the way I felt. The best decision I ever made was to stop defining myself by the way I felt and start living according to the Truth as defined by God and His Word. This began the most incredible journey of my life!

What does it mean to know something in one’s heart? This can be confusing, yet we hear such questions all the time. How many times have you heard a question such as, How do I get that knowledge from my head to my heart? And that is a perfectly good question, especially when we hear of scientific studies proving that the heart does indeed have brain-like cells, giving it the ability to think independently of the brain!

Simply put, science is coming to the place of thinking that the thoughts produced by the heart act as a communication between the various cells and organs of the body, acting as a sort of synchronizing signal for the entire body! The way I think about this news is that the mind defines us in our core and the heart carries this information to the rest of our body! While this is fascinating to know, for our intents and purposes I will conclude that identity begins and ends with the way we think about ourselves in our mind. What does it mean to know something in one’s mind? Could it be said that one is defined by what one thinks of him/herself?

Could it be that, ultimately, we should define ourselves according to the way our Maker designed us? If we have as our thought-foundation a Christ-centric worldview, then we must come to this conclusion found in God’s Word: For as he thinks within himself, so he is. (Proverbs 23:7)

In order to renew one’s mind, one must operate from some point of view. My freedom and new identity came from allowing God to define me—came from seeking to know His, the Maker’s, point of view concerning Dennis Jernigan. The following are some of the questions He confronted me with accompanied by the answers He showed me according to His Word:

1. Why did God make man and woman?

From my own experience with and study of God’s Word, I believe there is a two-fold reason God made man and woman. This is what the Word of God says: Be fruitful and multiply… (Genesis 35:11)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… (Ephesians 5:25)

My conclusion after reading the Word and viewing my life from God’s point of view? Man and woman were created by God and commanded to make babies! If He created me to be a man, it was for the purpose of making more people! That cannot be accomplished according to God’s design by having sex with another man. Cannot be done. God desired more of us because He created us for fellowship with Him. The sin of mankind was the problem. Where does sin derive from? Man thinking it’s all about him! Sin comes from stinkin’ thinkin’!

2. What is the primary purpose of sex?

God made sex for the purpose of procreation. He made it pleasurable so we would want to experience it. Pure and simple, without sex there would be no more humans. There is nothing wrong with pleasure as long as it is derived within the confines of God’s ultimate design. After settling that God was God and that His design would define me, the questions became even more specific.

3. Did God give you a penis and testicles or did He give you a vagina and ovaries?

Having a penis and testicles defined me as being physically male. Being physically male made me wonder why I did not have feelings of attraction to the opposite sex. Concluding that I had been lied to was the first step in putting off the lies about the way I felt—or did not feel! Although I initially did not feel attracted to women, I did have the desire for a family. This led me to the conclusion that if that desire was there, then it must be part of my design to feel attracted to a woman. From that conclusion, I came to the place of realizing that my feelings of attraction to other men was simply as a result of wrong thinking. The reality became simple to me at that point. Whenever I felt attraction to another man, I renounced it as a result of wrong thinking and replaced that wrong thinking with simple thoughts like…

God made me physically a man; therefore he made me to think like a man. I want to see a woman in the way God designed me to see her. Father God, please replace the wrong thoughts with right thoughts and replace the wrong feelings with right feelings.

The more I changed the way I thought, the more my true needs and desires were met. My despair over my feelings was slowly but surely being replaced with right feelings due to the way I was now thinking! God’s Word says in Psalm 37:4,

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

The more I sought relationship with Him through the ways I thought about Him and His Word and how it applied to my life, the more my feelings changed. Even my sexual attractions toward men began to be replaced by attractions to women. So much mental healing had taken place in my life from 1981 to 1983 that I was able to realize a dream I never thought possible due to my homosexual feelings. I was able to marry Melinda, and as of this writing, I have been married for over forty-two years, have 13 awesome children, and nine incredible grandchildren…so far!

The changing of the way I thought about myself actually began much more simplistically than that. To renew the way I thought about myself as a man, I asked the Lord to reveal any wrong thinking I had about myself. In order to do this, I realized that I had been listening to the liar for far too long in my existence. But how would I cut off the voice of the liar? I went on what would become a twelve year fast from all the other voices of influence that were not God centered. From 1981 until 1993, I did not listen to pop/secular music. I did not watch TV. I listened to only voices that built me up according to God’s design for my life. In the process, I learned to discern the voice and will of God more clearly.

As I silenced the other voices, I gave God the freedom to speak to me in any form He chose for me. His Word became alive to me. From reading God’s Word, I discovered how loving and for me He was! I discovered He was never disgusted with me but was disgusted with my sin. I discovered that I no longer had to perform for His love and acceptance. It had always been my choice to receive or reject! That Truth alone changed everything! Gone were the days of trying to prove my worth by my performance. This meant I performed because He loved me rather than so He would love me!

The more I discovered about Who He said He was, the more I discovered who He designed me to be. He is holy. I am set apart for His purposes in this life. He is righteous. I am to walk righteously. He is peace. He has planted a heart of peace in me and set my mind at peace. He is Healer. I am here to be an agent of His healing power. He is Provider. I am here to be an agent of His provision. He is Shepherd. I am here to guide others to Him. He is always there. I am never alone. He is victorious over sin. I am no longer a victim of my own sin but am victor over it because of Him!

Even though my circumstances did not change, the way I viewed them did! I could choose to think what thoughts I wanted to think. That was incredible news and incredibly freeing. Rather than overthinking everything about myself from a man-centric point of view, I could simplify my thought processes to such a degree that freedom was the result simply by allowing the Word and intended design of God for me as the filter through which I viewed reality.

So much healing has come to my mind to this point that it is difficult for me to believe I ever thought I was gay in the first place. Let that sink in. Freedom comes from the way we choose to think about ourselves. Will you allow stinkin’ thinkin’ to define you? Will you let past failure define you? Will you allow other people to define you? Will you allow feelings to define you? Will you allow temptation to define you? Will you allow bad habits define you? If there is something that you habitually think about yourself that you do not desire, could it be said you are allowing that thought to define you? Why put up with that way of thinking? Does your desire for drugs define you or do they reveal a deeper need for thinking about your circumstances in a new way? Will you be content with being a victim of your own stinkin’ thinkin’ or will you choose to seek victory over that way of thinking? The choice really is yours.

One of the best things I ever did to facilitate right thinking about myself as a man was to enlist the help of others in my life. I felt guilty about the failures of my life, especially in regard to my sexual failure. I felt so much shame that I believed the lie that I was not worthy of someone else’s time or effort or love. Guilt is the awareness that I did something wrong. Shame is the belief that I am something wrong. We kick shame to the curb by getting to the Truth of God’s Word and the reality of His design for us as new creations. When I dealt with my shame in honesty and came to the mental confusion that Jesus Christ had born all my shame on the cross, I took the first step toward Truth and freedom: I got honest with myself. I got honest with God. I got honest with others.

One of my choices was to surround myself with people who would help me walk in the Truth of my God-designed identity. To this day, I practice this in my life. My wife and my children have the freedom to remind me who and Whose I am. One of my personal rules is that Dennis Jernigan does not get to call himself something his Father does not call him. I cannot even get away with little slip-ups like saying to myself, “Stupid idiot” when I do something boneheaded! My wife and my children automatically say to me, “Is that who you really are?” or, “Is that who God says you are?” And I love it because I know they absolutely love me and want nothing but what is best for me. Stinkin’ thinkin’ is recognized in the moment. I put it off and replace it with the Truth…and move on down the road to my whole identity in Christ!

No longer do I define myself as ex-gay. No longer do I define myself as a recovering or formal homosexual. No longer do I define myself. My Father has that place in my life, and He uses other people to help me. I am what and who His Word says I am. And so are you. Would you be willing to consider seeing yourself from a whole new point of view?

Dennis Jernigan

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3: The No Parkinson’s Zone”, available later in 2026

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/images/download/x-7314501_1920.jpg

The Christmas Dream - Part 3

Judah was overcome with the Lord’s sorrow...and he began to cry. “Lord, why does Jesus have to die? Will You ever get to hold Him again?”

“O. little Judah. yes. I’ll hold Him again. You see, I will send my Holy Spirit to hold Him and comfort Him for Me. And even though He will die, He will rise up from the grave and leave all man’s sin there. So, yes, I will get to hold Him again!”

“O, You should be so happy then, Lord! But You still seem very, very sad to Me. Why?”

“Listen very closely, little Judah, and I will tell You what makes Me so very sad. Remember when I told you about all mankind being separated from Me by their sin?”

“Yes, Lord.”

“Judah, many men will choose not to receive Me. They will choose not to love me. They will choose not to let Me hold them. And Judah, I want them to receive Me. I want them to love Me. I want them to let Me hold them.

And Judah...”

“Yes, Lord?

“I do not want to lose you! Judah, you are the reason I sent Jesus to die. You are the reason I’ve built this beautiful city. You are the delight of My heart. I made you especially for Me...because I want to be with you and I want you to be with Me-forever! I love you, Judah, and I want you to know that you do not have to be separated from Me. I have called you here to this dream today to tell you these things. And remember, I will be as near as Your heart if you will receive the things I have shown you this day.”

With those words, Judah found himself flying back to the stable. And in the stable, he found himself holding baby Jesus very close to his heart (It seemed more like the baby was holding him!). And the next thing he knew, he was riding a sheep across his bed!

Riding a sheep across his bed?

It took him awhile - remember, he was only three-but he soon realized that he had been asleep. Quickly he ran down the hall to the living room to tell Mom and Dad what he had seen in the dream. But his words were drowned out by the shouts of glee and laughter as Dad brought in the Christmas tree. For a moment, Judah became so caught up in all the excitement that he forgot all about his dream. It wasn’t until bedtime later that evening that Judah remembered what he needed to tell his Dad.

After all the hustle and bustle of decorating the tree and filling the house with the sounds of carols and laughter, it was time for the family to head for bed. All the older children had made their way to their rooms as Dad carried the younger ones to theirs. When it was Judah’s time to be tucked in, his Daddy picked him up and asked him if he had had a good day. Of course Judah began to tell him about his dream. He went through the whole thing - from the part about the stable and sitting on the animals to being in the field with the shepherds - from being in the sky with the angels to touching the baby - from touching the baby to being held by the Lord in the city of gold - and from the hands of God to holding the baby Jesus! He didn’t leave one part out. And then he asked his Daddy, “Dad, how can Jesus hold me? I want Him to hold me.”

Judah’s story had touched Dad’s heart...but this statement took him by surprise. He waited for what seemed a very long time to Judah before he answered him.

“Son, just as in your dream, Jesus-our heavenly Father-can hold you when you get to heaven.”

Judah said, “But Daddy, how can I get to heaven?”

“Well, Judah-” Dad hesitated before he spoke...but he felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to answer Judah by saying, “You have to die before you can be held by Jesus.”

“Daddy, if I die can I come back?”

“No, Son. Once you die you can never come back to your old life.”

“Daddy, I don’t think I want to die. But I do want to be held by Jesus. Daddy, Jesus was beautiful-and I really liked it when He held me. In my dream, the Lord said He would send the Holy Spirit to hold Jesus for Him. Would He do that for me...would He, Daddy?”

Again, Dad just waited for a few moments before answering. In many ways he was overwhelmed with the depth of little Judah’s question. How do you explain death and salvation to a little boy? Just then the Holy Spirit began to speak to the heart of Judah’s Daddy and said these words, “Truly I say to you, unless your heart is turned and you become like a little child, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me. Do not cause the child to stumble. Tell Him the truth-and of the depth of My love. You have the Father’s heart- you are his “father”-but let the True Father have his heart. The heart of a man is the heart of a child, Tell him of My love.”

Only by the grace of Almighty God did Judah’s Dad begin to speak. He was truly humbled by his son’s innocent and sincere longing to be held by Jesus. And, if the truth be known, this earthly father was overcome by the arms of his Lord surrounding him-yes-bathing him in love. Because Judah’s Daddy knew first hand what it was like to be held by Jesus, he could tell him these things with great confidence. And so he did.

“Judah,” said Dad, “You do have to die to be held by Jesus. But the kind of death I’m speaking of is a death to the things of this world and all the earthly things we desire. To be held by Jesus we have to let go of everything else we are holding onto so that He can pick us up. When we let go of our desires for things that don’t last or really satisfy, our Heavenly Father is able to pick us up and satisfy our deepest need-the need to be loved and accepted. Because we have all sinned (or done bad things) we have become separated from God. That is why Jesus came-to take all our sins upon Himself and to die in our place. When we confess with our mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and believe in our hearts that God has raised Him from the dead, God’s Word says that we will be saved. And that is when we get to be held by Him.. Because at that instant we die to our sins and to who we used to be-and we become someone brand new. And no matter what, Jesus will hold us whenever we need Him to. Does any of this make sense to you, son?”

Judah thought for a few seconds about what his Daddy had said before he spoke. And this smile came over his face and he said,”Daddy, Jesus is holding you now, isn’t He?”

“Yes,Judah, He is. How could you tell?”

“Because you are a little boy inside-just like me. I can tell. And Jesus loves to hold little boys. He told me so.”

Judah’s Dad could not speak now for tears of joy and brokenness streamed down his face. And Judah just sat there resting in his Daddy’s arms and enjoying his embrace as he said,”Daddy, I don’t understand everything. I just know it’s good. Jesus is telling my heart that I don’t need to worry about it now. He says He will just hold me in your arms ‘til I understand. I think I’ll just let Jesus hold me through you.”

And the little boy fell asleep in his Daddy’s arms. And outside the snow began to fall...and the little boy dreamed about Christmas all year ’round as he rested in the arms of Jesus.

The End

The Christmas Dream - Part Two of Three

As soon as the shepherds had started back home, Judah began to come close to baby Jesus. He wanted to see for himself - up close - just what made this little baby so very special that a whole multitude of angels would announce His birth. Judah quietly knelt beside the manger. Mary smiled and Joseph beckoned him to reach out and touch the baby. At first Judah was a little hesitant - but something deep in his dreaming heart told him that this would be a good (and special) thing to do. So he gently placed his hand on the baby’s hand. Then he caressed the baby’s cheek with the soft touch of his fingers. (Judah had had a lot of practice with his new sister Raina Joy!). And then he looked into the eyes of baby Jesus. And as he did it was like Judah’s awareness of time or of being in the stable had ceased to matter. He was captivated by the beauty and the feeling of total love and acceptance he found in the eyes of this precious baby. Suddenly he was startled back into reality (of course, dreams are much more reality than the things we can see with our physical eyes because God often speaks to His children by His Spirit there - in dreams...very often). Someone was speaking to him. What startled him was that he thought baby Jesus had spoken to him. Then it happened again! That voice! It wasn’t the baby who had spoken - but the voice did seem to be coming from somewhere in the heart of the baby Jesus. The voice seemed to be saying, “Come here, Judah! Come here and see Me!” Judah wondered how he could do that if the voice was coming from the heart of baby Jesus. So he asked, “How can I come to You if You’re inside the baby?” And the voice said, “Just lift your hands to me and I’ll carry you here.” So he did.

The next part was better than any Christmas he could ever have imagined. One instant Judah had been touching the baby Jesus. The next, he found himself flying through the clouds and into a magnificent city whose streets were paved with gold! And everywhere he looked he saw buildings of unbelievable beauty all made of exquisite jewels and precious metals. Trough the center of the city ran a river of crystal light. And the trees! There were trees all along the way beside the river - and they were loaded with fruit - fruit that looked like diamonds and rubies and emeralds and every other kind of jewel the little boy could imagine! Soon he found himself approaching what must have been the center of the city. He could just tell. There was light like he had never seen before. Light that did not come from the sun, but light that came from the very heart of this beautiful city. The voice never stopped calling him during the entire flight - and it seemed to be coming from the light! Judah couldn’t believe his eyes! He had never felt such peace and joy as he felt now. He flew right towards the light, yet he wasn’t afraid - even though he tried to be! The next thing he knew, Judah was in the light and found himself approaching a beautiful white throne. And upon the throne sat a wise looking older man - and it was his lips that were calling to Judah, “Come here, Judah! Come her and see Me! I’ve been waiting for this day!” Judah couldn’t but laugh for joy. This man was so loving - yet awesome in his obvious strength. He was so gentle - yet His eyes were firm in their gaze. Yet Judah noticed that even though this man on the throne looked perfectly at peace and bathed in joy, he also had a look of sadness and heaviness mingled with the joy.

Before Judah knew what he was saying he blurted out, “why are You so sad, sir? Being here brings great joy to my heart, but I can’t help but notice the look in Your eyes. It’s like the way a man looks when he’s been longing for a long lost friend. Have You lost a good friend?” The man took Judah upon His lap and asked him, “Do you know Who I Am, Judah?” Judah shook his head ‘no.’ “I Am the Creator of the Universe; I Am The Giver of Dreams; I Am Your Heavenly Father - I Am Your God.” Judah wanted to bow down and worship when hem heard these words. But all he could do was to cling to the Lord. And besides, the Lord wouldn't have let him go so quickly anyway!

“Judah, I’ve been waiting for this day to be able to tell you all about my plan for your life. And you are right - I am sad. And I am longing for someone very dear to me. Actually, I’m longing for many many dear lost friends. Do you remember the baby you were just touching? That was my son, Jesus. I Am sad because I sent Him to the earth to die.”

“To die?” cried Judah

“Yes, to die.” said the Lord “And He is My only Son, Judah. But did you know there is something that makes Me even sadder?”

“What could make You sadder than losing Your only Son, Lord?” Asked Judah.

“Well I’m glad you asked. You see, Judah, that is exactly why you came here today. I want to tell you what makes me sadder than losing My son Jesus. A long time ago, I created a man named Adam and a women named Eve. They were dear to my heart. In fact, I made them to have fellowship with Me and with one another. But they sinned. They listened to my enemy Satan and decided they wanted to be in control of their own lives. I loved them so much that I let them go. I knew that if they loved Me because I made them love Me then they wouldn’t really love Me at all. So I let them make the choice whether they would love me or not. Because of their sin, I had to sacrifice some other creature to make a covering for their nakedness. For many years now I’ve had to do this. Sin always brings death - not only for the one who sins but for those who must suffer because of their sin as well. Judah, all have sinned and fall far short of My glory and goodness. That is why I sent Jesus to the earth from My heart. I let Him go. And in letting Him go gave up Myself to die once and for all for all me, women, boys, and girls. Jesus will be the sacrifice for sin. Just like Adam and Eve, Judah, sin separated all men from Me and condemned them to hell. But now, by placing all the world’s sin on Jesus-on Myself-all sin will be defeated. And by believing on My Son Jesus, all men have the choice to know Me in a very special and intimate way.”

The Christmas Dream - Part 1

For days Judah had waited for Christmas to get here. After all, he was only three. I don’t think he really understood that falling snow didn’t necessarily mean Christmas was here and the arrival of Christmas didn’t automatically mean snow would start falling either! Still, Judah couldn’t wait for Christmas. Although he didn’t quite understand all Christmas was about yet, he did know that it gave him a warm and special feeling deep inside and all over whenever he thought about it - or whenever anyone mentioned snow!

On this particular day Judah was awakened early in the morning by his brother and sisters and their announcement that snow was falling! Snow! Judah couldn’t believe his ears! This was the moment he had been waiting for! As soon as he had looked out the window to verify this very important fact, he excitedly ran to the bedroom of his Mother and Father - and without even knocking he burst through the door with this news of news, “It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas, Mom! Dad, It’s Christmas! It’s snowing!”

Of course, Dad didn’t want to burst his bubble or quench his excitement over the snow, so he simply waited for a better opportunity to gently break the news to Judah that it wasn’t really Christmas yet. But as it turns out, his older brother and sisters took care of that problem for Dad. As soon as they realized what Judah was saying they firmly informed him that, yes, it was snowing, but, no, it was not Christmas. This made Judah very sad at first - but then he decided until he heard from a higher authority on the subject it was still Christmas as far as he was concerned. The only problem with this was that Christmas was still 20 days away - and 20 days can seem like an eternity to a little 3 year old boy.

Since all the children had roused him, Dad decided to get up and take the children sledding. This produced so much excitement in Judah’s heart that it only confirmed what he knew must be true - it had to be Christmas! Soon, Mom had all the children warmly bundled and Dad got them and the sleds loaded in the van. On the south side of Oklahoma City there just aren’t that many hills for sledding - and the drive-way didn’t provide all that thrilling a sled ride, so Dad took them to the flood control field which doubled as a soccer field in the summer. The banks which surrounded the fields were about 30 feet high. Thirty feet combined with a good slope provided a ride of about 200 feet - with a good push from Dad! So off to the field they went. And all the way there, Judah talked about how everything outside looked like Christmas.

Several other Dads and children were already sledding when they arrived. The children quickly unloaded and ran to the top of the hill. How exciting! In Judah’s eyes, this was a mountain. Even his sister Glory thought it looked like a mountain. Of course, they had to have Dad’s help in even climbing up the ‘mountain.’ Hannah, Israel, and Anne had already slidden down once by the time Dad, Judah, and Glory made it to the top! Mom had stayed home with Galen and Raina. Soon they were all speeding down the hill and running right back to the top as fast as they could. Several times Hannah went rolling off her sled as she crashed into the snow. Once, Israel even ran over Anne’s leg! And once, Dad had the bright idea of piling himself, Judah, Glory, and Hannah all on the sled with him. With this weight they had plenty of speed - but they also had a lack of proper balance. About half way down the hill they all crashed into the snow and went rolling the rest of the way down the hill. As the morning wore on, Judah’s laughter and fun soon turned to weariness and a cold nose! Dad knew it was time to go home when Judah and Glory said, “I’m not having fun!” Yes, Dad knew they had fun - but now the fun was over. As soon as Dad had swept the snow off them with the broom, they all loaded back into the van to warm up - and search for just the right Christmas tree.

The mention of a Christmas tree immediately brought warmth and brightness back into Judah’s eyes! The only problem was that Dad - having picked out a tree at the market - realized he had left his checkbook at home (can you believe this was written before we stopped writing checks for purchases?). This meant they would have to wait to get the tree at another time - and it also meant that Judah was once again not having too much fun. As far as he was concerned, things just weren’t working out quite right.

As is often the case when one has spent the day sledding and contemplating the numerous possibilities of Christmastime fun, Judah fell asleep soon after Mom unbundled him. There is no need telling you what Judah dreamed about. That’s right! Christmas! Only in his dreams it was Christmas all year round. His head was filled with the usual dreams of candy, gifts, and play that are associated with Christmas dreams - only in Judah’s dream Christmas was a year round affair complete with daily parades and unwrapping sessions! What made his dreams so special, though, was the fact that he got to be there with Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem on the night baby Jesus was born. He always sat right next to Joseph or on the back of a sheep or donkey so he could get a good glimpse of the sweet little baby. In Judah’s dream he was also with the wise men when they set out to follow the mysterious star in the western sky. How he loved those camel rides. He was also with the shepherds as they watched their flocks in the field. He so enjoyed the way the shepherds always jumped when the angel said, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which shall be for all people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, Who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, and lying in a manger.” The sheep would run and bleat until the angel asked them to be quiet. One of Judah’s favorite parts of the dream was getting to fly with the angels and declare with them, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.” After this declaration, Judah jumped on a sheep and rode him into Bethlehem as he followed the shepherd’s to see the new baby. In Judah’s dreams there was no telling what kind of animal you might find him riding - or just where he might wind up.

This is an excerpt from the Dennis Jernigan book. “A Christmas Dream”. Call 918-781-1200 to order your signed copy.

FREE PARKING ZONE - The ‘I Have a Purpose’ Zone

“The purpose of life is not to earn points with God through works, but to live according to His purpose for you.” C.S. Lewis

I do not understand why people who are struggling with a certain illness that seems, to them, to be a death sentence, feel like they have to give up on life for whatever period of time they have left. That seems like a waste of precious and valuable time to me. I guess I am just so convinced I am here for a very specific purpose (or several specific purposes), that I don’t ever feel like giving up. Even when I was struggling with unwanted same sex attraction, I felt walking out of that identity was worth it for the sake of living to tell others they don’t have to give in to ANY temptation - ever. Why? Because I remember being a young boy of 12 and wishing someone would just tell me I do not have to be defined by the things that tempt me. The great news is that the temptation, whenever denied, lessens its grasp on my mind and I can choose to think new thoughts. Heterosexual thoughts.

From a Christian perspective, purpose in life is found in God’s plan, which involves glorifying Him. following His will, and living according to His purpose for you. Key biblical verses and quotes emphasize trust in God's guidance, using your gifts for His service, and understanding that His purpose for you is often more important than your own. I would go so far as to say that understanding His purpose for you is the most important thing one can accomplish after they have come to faith in Christ. Why? Because knowing I have a purpose bleeds over into every aspect of my life. My Marriage. The way I love my children. The way I interact with others. Having and knowing my purpose makes me strive to live; to fight for life!

It is, in a sense, coming face to face with one’s own destiny. If my goal/destiny/purpose is to know Christ and to make Him known, I always have a true north to guide me - even if I become disoriented from time to time. What does one do when they are in the waves at a beach and get toppled over, being tossed end over end, becoming so disoriented that they can no longer distinguish up from down? I have been in that situation physically as an avid SCUBA diver and what I have found is that getting my feet to solid ground and standing up I can reorient myself to where dry land is - true north, in a sense - and can take the necessary steps to extricate myself from the situation. That’s why we, as Christians, sing the old hymn, “On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand” or why we constantly quote verses like Hebrews 12:1 and 2 in the NIV:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

To find true north not only do I need to plant my feet on Solid Ground, but I need to fix my eyes on Jesus. This helps me gain my bearings and to re-orient myself to His plan for my life. To know Christ and to be known by Him is the goal, I believe, of every human being that has ever existed or ever will. Why does mankind talk so much of ‘finding oneself’? Every human soul is born with a God-shaped hole in their life due to sin…and only the One Who created them can ever truly fill that hole. I would go so far as to say that to know Christ has revealed to me no matter what I must endure in this life, be it same-sex attraction or Parkinson’s or whatever, God will use it for my good, thereby showing me how He can take even the most messed up life or circumstance and use it for my good.

Following are several of the verses I regularly use in the battle that is constantly being waged in my mind between me and the lies of the enemy that would try to cause me to just give up.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV

According to this verse, He will use even Parkinson’s to work for good in my life! Why would I not follow Him?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverb 3:5-6 NIV

According to these verses, even when I mess up and miss the on or off ramp, He will correct my journey through life, helping me adjust to any situation.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

According to this verse, He has a plan for my life and only desires what is best for me - even when I bring harm to myself in someway - like walking in pride or self-pity. He can help me reorient myself even when I have walked headlong into the surf that sent me topsy turvy in the first place.

"The greatest tragedy is not death, but life without purpose.” Rick Warren

This is a parking zone where we are invited to park any time under any circumstances. In fact, we can live our entire life from this parking lot. Think about it. I park in the Purpose Zone and am granted grace to get through Parkinson’s. I am compelled to lay down my life for my wife and for my children and for my grandchildren. In a way, I have sacrificed everything I am (or thought I was) for the sake of God’s way and have wound up being blessed with 9 children and 13 (so far) amazing grandchildren and a wife (as if this writing) of 42 years any man would give his right arm to have. My family is not perfect, but I feel purpose whenever I think of any one of them and that goes a long way toward making me want to not give up on life. I’ll take Parkinson’s. I’lll take the ridicule of owning my past life. It’s worth it.

“For you will certainly carry out God's purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.” C.S. Lewis

I even have a plan for when I do fall or when I do find myself in complete darkness. This has long been one of my go-to verses concerning the choices I have in any given moment: Micah 7:8 in the NIV says, 8 “Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.”

We always have a choice as to how we respond to any circumstance, be it same sex attraction or Parkinson’s or anything else. God can use anyone to express His love to the world. In my lifetime, I have met three men who have undergone sex change surgery only to regret it afterwards. Since I feel so free in sharing my story, I tend to attract a lot of people who want to tell me their’s - and there have been so many through the years. Each of these men who had their bodies altered to try and become women, were each confronted by God’s love and chose to surrender their sexual identity to Him. Each came to the same conclusion: “I was born male and have made a tremendous mistake. I must live with the consequences of my choice, but I choose to live out the remainder of my days in the gender God made me to be.” They have, since the time I met them, helped rescue many from making the same mistake they made. To a man, they would each say they are walking in the purpose God meant for them to walk in all along - in spite of the ways they had altered their bodies. God’s ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. We do not have to understand everything. We just need to be willing to repent and be used by God…whatever the cost.

“In life, you don’t use God to fulfill your purpose. Instead, you let God use you to fulfill His purpose.” www.BecomingChristians.com

I would highly recommend that you park the car of your thought-life in the Purpose Zone. The dividends are amazing and the view is spectacular and the perks are beyond human understanding.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

The cost of knowing one’s purpose? Its will cost you everything you are and have. Why does it cost so much? Because Jesus paid the debt we owed for our sin. This cost Him His life. You and I were worth His very life, yet He turns around and offers eternal life as a free gift. We but have to reach out and accept it. So why would it cost us everything if it is a free gift? Because in accepting the free gift of life in and through Jesus, we gain everything He has to offer us. In God’s economy gaining life in Him is worth dying to our selves. Do you want to know your purpose in life? Seek Jesus and remember the following:

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? Matthew 16:24-26 NIV

Dennnis Jernigan

The above info is from a book I am currently working on called “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”. It is unedited and may have additions made in the final manuscript. Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2017/01/09/21/17/bridge-1967674_1280.jpg

https://www.sexchangeregret.com/

The Inactivity or ‘I Can’t’ Zone

“Your attitude is like a price tag, it shows how valuable you are.” Robert Kiyosaki

The attitude of giving up - like I have personally experienced when trying to button my shirt or finish a meal without making a mess due to Parkinson’s - is often characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed, frustration (Been there. Done that!), and a sense of helplessness - as one tends to feel when they are bumping into furniture, or tripping, or falling for no apparent reason. Such feelings often lead to a desire to just throw one’s shaking hands in the air and quit when challenges become difficult. It can be fueled by a fear of failure and a lack of persistence, sometimes stemming from a desire for an easier path, which can ultimately result in a victim mentality and short-lived gratification. In contrast, the "never give up" - I call it the “seeing life from God’s perspective” - mindset is driven by commitment rather than feelings. It helps me reorient myself and fix my eyes on Jesus and focuses on taking responsibility for my response to setbacks, and can often leads to increased resilience and a stronger sense of emotional control.

“The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.” Dennis S. Brown

The "I can't" attitude is a negative, self-limiting mindset that prevents personal growth, learning, and the pursuit of new experiences. A great question to ask someone is, “When you get to the age of 75 and look back on your life, what will you regret not having at least tried - in spite of Parkinson’s?” It involves believing you are unable to succeed or that challenges are insurmountable, most often due to a fear of failure, and it can be a major roadblock to achieving your goals. This attitude contrasts with a positive, "can-do" mindset, which sees challenges as opportunities and increases the likelihood of success. I would much rather have at least tried to play in the woods with my grandchildren rather than to look back with regret or to play cards with them even though I can no longer shuffle those cards and it drains my brain just to strategize even when playing something as simple as Uno! I hate regret but I love at least trying! That’s just me.

When Parkinson’s raised its ugly head in my life, I went immediately into a state of grief. Grief doesn’t just appear when we lose someone to death. It can be a response to any significant loss, like the end of a relationship, financial loss, job loss, an illness (like PD),or any number of things. I did go through what has become known as the 5 stage is griefs of defined and developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. She intended them to be used as a framework to help one understand their reactions to loss. While I did go through all 5 stages, not everyone does…and they may not go through them in the same order as I did. Let me just run through these stages briefly.

Denial (And, no, I’m not talking about some river in Africa). This is a temporary refusal to accept the reality of the situation. I remember, after undergoing a nerve test in my arm due to the slight tremor I had developed, of hearing the doctor’s mere mention that I could possibly have PD, and saying, “No. I don’t think that’s possible.” I also recall my personal physician, whom I love and count as a good friend, tell me it may just be an essential tremor and love hearing those words because he was not sure I had PD. An essential tremor is a very common movement disorder that is characterized by involuntary, rhythmic shaking or trembling that can affect the hands, head, and voice. Although the cause of ET is not known, they tend to run in families. I reasoned, “No one in my family has ever had these, so it must just be an anomaly.” Don’t ya love self-diagnosis?!

Of course, once I had received the official diagnosis, I went into full-fledged denial, flat-out refusing to accept the diagnosis or its reality in my life. As I have already shared, when I shared with a friend who was a doctor and he asked me to run through my symptoms with him, he looked at me and said, “Jernigan, you don’t have Parkinson’s. You’re just old!” Of course I held on to that thought for quite a while thinking I would find a way to reverse the tremors and imbalance I was experiencing. After a year of this, I then went into my next stage of grief. Anger.

I became so angry that I stopped really living for a while. I was angry at myself for somehow bringing this upon myself - which is a downright stupid thought. I was angry at God for allowing this to come into my life just as our grandkids were getting old enough to play with and go fishing with. As if God was taken by surprise by PD, never once stopping to ask Him about how He wanted to use PD for my good! I allowed my anger to develop into a ‘why me? attitude, which everyone loves to be around…NOT! Rather than lash out at others, I did what any self-respecting introvert would do. I withdrew into myself - and away from those who loved me the most. I stopped staying too long at family gatherings. I stopped taking calls from my friends. I stopped living a full life for a season.

Bargaining - which is the next stage of grief - was not a huge part of my life except for a very brief season. There is one thing that has helped tether me to reality through most of my adult life and that is we cannot change our past. In terms of my Parkinson’s diagnosis, I could not change that so I didn’t

spend much time bargaining or arguing with God. I did, however, ask him to remove this ’thorn’ from my flesh - and for 6 and a half years, I had resigned myself to PD being a constant and active part of my life. The apostle, Paul, puts it much more succinctly than I can:

2 Corinthians 12:5-10 NIV says, 5 “I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I prayed Paul’s prayer from my own perspective and got the same answer: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." When I am weak, then He is strong. I must add that now that I have had the privilege of DBS in my life, in a way, God HAS removed a great deal of the ‘thorn’ of PD from my life. I will always have PD but now the symptoms have been greatly mitigated by the brain procedure. I no longer deal with tremors. I can work an 8 hour day without brain fog entering the picture. I can even sing and play the piano again (If you heard me now you would hear a marked difference between where I was before the surgery) even though I know I will probably not get back to the level of proficiency I was at before DBS. After all, I am getting old, lol!

The next stage of grief is depression. Here is something I have only recently discovered: I have gone through many bouts of depression in my past without knowing what to call it. I am a very melancholy person. I feel the highest highs and feel the lowest lows - and I love it. Many years ago, I went to my family physician and asked him to prescribe me an antidepressant. He refused, saying, “Where do you think all the music comes from? I’m not going to mess with what God is doing.” I took His advice but still battled occasional times of depression. The only thing I knew to do when those down times came was to change the way I thought about whatever was bringing me down - and the depression would lift. It was not until I sought out counseling during my late 50s that I discovered what I had been experiencing was actually depression. The funny thing is, my counselor asked me to consider the fact that every feeling I have is attached to a thought I am thinking. He encouraged me to change the way I thought. In the world this is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is a very widely used form of therapy that hopes to improve mental health by addressing unhealthy thoughts, thereby changing one’s emotions and, due to changing emotions, is often able to help an individual change their behavior. In the Christian worldview this is called renewing the mind and have found doing so brings much healing and help when depression tries to raise its head. I take a mood enhancer these days just to help with any latent brain fog but find I am fine without it. I am just no longer in depression over PD and have continued to practice renewing my thoughts. Here is more of what the apostle Paul has to say on the matter:

Romans 12:1-2 NIV, says, 1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2 NIV

This brings us to the stage of grief called acceptance. This is simply that. Acknowledging Parkinson’s reality in my life and learning how to live with it, not just cope with it, but LIVE with it. One of the best things I have done since the diagnosis is to continue to be creative. Rather than being inactive creatively I have chosen to write 3 books on the subject of PD and have written 2 fantasy books for my grandchildren - and that was all before the DBS procedure. I have also continued to be active, working out using an online chair exercise program at least 4 days a week which has helped me maintain my dad-bod figure through it all.

It reminds me of the early days of my songwriting career when one major record company told me no one would ever sing my songs because they were too long or too wordy or too intimate. Just ‘too much.’ My response was, rather than to give up and say, “I can’t do this” became “I’ll continue to write whatever the Lord places upon my heart and leave it up to Him as to how He gets the music ‘out there.’” So far, even after over 35 years of existence for some of these songs, God continues to provide for me and Melinda via royalties from church use as well as many streaming services that now publish them. I have also released 2 new albums since the diagnosis and will continue to do so - even after I am gone. Thank God I made many demos of songs that never made it to an album!

I recently wrote this next portion of the book as a means of explaining to others - especially my grandchildren - how having an attitude of self-learning can go a long way way is preventing one’s self from parking in the ‘I Can’t Zone’.

“Never stop learning because life never stops teaching.” Anonymous

One of the smartest things a person can do for their overall health is to never stop learning. Learning helps keep my eyes off of me and helps me understand the needs of others. Since Parkinson’s affects the mind, I have focused heavily on this in several practical ways which I will get to momentarily.

You should never stop learning because it keeps your mind sharp, improves emotional and physical health, and creates opportunities for social connection and professional growth. Staying engaged with new knowledge boosts memory and problem-solving skills, enhances your ability to adapt to a changing world, and fosters a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. 

"Once you stop learning, you start dying.” Albert Einstein

It has been shown that self-learning has many cognitive and mental benefits. Self-learning keeps the brain sharp because learning new things challenges the brain, which can improve memory, concentration, and problem-solving skills.

It helps prevent cognitive decline. Continuous learning has been shown to help prevent memory loss and may lower the risk of degenerative brain diseases and Lord knows I’ll take all the help I can get get in this area.

I have personally found that self-learning boosts my emotional well-being. Discovering new passions and skills can lead to greater personal happiness, satisfaction, and self-confidence. I have taken a keen interest in reading the writings of Clint Hill and have gained much knowledge about the Secret Service. Who knew I would love such books and learn so much? 

Self-learning can affect professional and personal growth. I have found that self-learning helps me stay relevant - at least I know how to pray for the world around me.We live in a fast-paced world where learning new skills is essential for staying relevant in your career and keeping up with industry changes.

I believe self-learning increases job security: Acquiring new knowledge and skills can help you become a more valuable and irreplaceable employee, especially in the day of AI. Use AI to help you learn. Self-learning brings a sense of accomplishment: Mastering a new skill or topic can make you feel purposeful and accomplished. 

Of course, there are social and physical benefits to self-learning. Self-learning can help build social connections. Just the other night one of my sons-in-law and I sat around a campfire and talked about different things we have learned about history and this, in turn, led us a to a deeper social bonding - especially over the Roman empire, lol! It was so cool to watch 2 of my grandchildren who were present take great interest in what were talking about as they sat their raptly engaged upon our every word. Learning in a group setting, like a class or workshop, is a great way to meet new people who share your interests.

Self-learning enriches your conversations. A wider base of knowledge gives you more things to discuss with others and helps you understand different perspectives.

Self-learning promotes physical health. Active hobbies that involve learning, such as a new sport, can improve mobility, flexibility, and overall physical health.

Personally, I listen to a lot of podcasts on history and theology. My favorite podcast on theology is called “The Church and Culture Podcast” by Dr. James Emery White and I listen to a ton of books which helps satisfy my love of history, I work The New York Times crossword puzzle, I watch Jeopardy. It’s like I have an insatiable need to learn something new every day. There have been many times when Melinda and I have been watching Jeopardy and I will give an answer like Hadrian’s Wall, the Battle of Hastings, Lech Walesa, or Wallace Simpson - and I will be correct. She just looks at me and says, “How could you possibly know that?” and I will respond with, “I don’t know. I just do.” Yesterday we were watching and this happened and I said, “I don’t know why I know useless trivia. I just had brain surgery.” She said, “You’re brain is amazing.”

God gave our brains. We renew our minds - either positively or negatively - every day. Self-learning helps me maintain discipline in my life and I believe it helps me stay young at heart (and young in mind). Don’t ever think you are too old to learn something new. That day will be the beginning of the end…and people will not want you n their Trivial Pursuit team. Just sayin’!

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young." Henry Ford

The fee for parking in the ‘I Can’t Zone’ or just plain old giving up is to waste away; an added fee is a loss of purpose which tends to bring hope to one’s life in the sense of having something to look forward to; not having hope tends to give a person no reason to keep on fighting for life. I cannot afford such heavy fees. As William Wallace says in “Braveheart”, "Every man dies, not every man really lives”. I choose life. I just do - whether I tremor, have a foggy brain, or not!

Dennis Jernigan

The above info is from a book I am currently working on called “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”. It is unedited and may have additions made in the final manuscript. Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/do-not-give-up-motivation-life-2015253/

The No Parking Zone of Pride

“Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right.” Ezra T. Benson

Pride goes before destruction,

a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18 NIV

We hear the word pride tossed around today as a good thing. I would agree that there are times and positive things to be proud of, but I stop short of glorifying sin with the word ‘pride’. There is a good pride. I am proud of the music I have made and the books I have written and the things I have done for the kingdom of God. I am proud of my children and grandchildren. I am proud of my wife…but I cannot attribute pride to anything God calls sin.

Pride has, by far, a more negative side to it. Pride is an excessive, undue, and often arrogant belief in one's own superiority or importance.  For instance, one can take excessive pride in one's physical appearance. Praise is a haughty manner resulting from an overly high opinion of oneself. One has but to look at Hollywood to see this on full display. Negative pride, or hubris, is an excessive, self-centered love of one's own excellence, often considered a sin in theological contexts and leading to disregard for others or a downfall. 

God’s Word makes it very clear what God thinks of pride in James 4:1-7 NIV:

1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I believe reality is that all good things are given by God and that all my personal accomplishments I take pride in can be directly attributed to him. He inspired the books I have written. He inspired every song I have penned. He gave me those 9 children. He breathed life into my 13 grandchildren. He brought me the perfect wife for me. He is responsible for any good things I have brought to the kingdom of God. In James 1:17 NIV God spells it out plainly:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

One of the greatest examples of a person who ‘got this’ was Corrie ten Boom. Corrie ten Boom was a watchmaker and later a Christian writer and public speaker, who worked with her father, Casper ten Boom, her sister Betsie ten Boom and other family members to help many Jewish people escape from the Nazis during the Holocaust in World War II by hiding them in her home. They were caught, and she was arrested and sent to the Ravensbrück concentration camp. Her most famous book,The Hiding Place, is a biography that recounts the story of her family's efforts and how she found and shared hope in God while she was imprisoned at the concentration camp. She went on to tell her story to millions upon millions of people all over the world. She should have been proud when heaped with praise, but she was the epitome of humility.

Corrie ten Boom had a well-known analogy about receiving praise: "When people come up and give me a compliment, I take each remark as if it were a flower. At the end of the day I lift up the bouquet of flowers I have gathered throughout the day and say, 'Here you are, Lord, it is all Yours.’" She used this "bouquet of flowers" to give glory back to God rather than to herself. 

And just what is humility? Humility is a God-centered, other-focused posture of the heart characterized by recognizing our dependence on God, admitting our own limitations and sinfulness, and valuing others above ourselves, as exemplified by Jesus Christ. It involves a sober self-assessment, a willingness to serve, and an absence of selfish ambition or pride, reflecting a correct understanding of our place before God.

"True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” Rick Warren

Miss Corrie recognized that God was opposed to the proud but that He extended grace and mercy to the humble. It seems that the more she expressed humility the more famous she became. Go figure! I believe she understood that she was not placed on this earth for her own good or her own glory, but that she was here to lay down her life for others and, first and foremost, for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

“The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance.” Albert Einstein

What I have discovered in my own life is that pride wells up in me because I want to be noticed and because I think more highly of my own than the needs of others. I have all discovered that each time I allow pride to distort my self-importance that the pedestal I have placed myself on tends to crumble and fall and I am left devastated. The remedy that always works is humbling myself before God and others - not in a groveling or insincere way - but in a way that says, “This life is not about me. It is about God and others.” Without fail, God begins to pour out grace and mercy to me and I am compelled to minister to the needs of others in the name of Jesus.

When I have thoughts of irrelevance or lack of purpose is when I start feeling the weight of pride upon my life. This is where arrogance begins to take root in our minds. These thoughts give rise to prideful feelings. When those feelings begin to consume me, I have learned (and I am still learning) that by ministering to the needs of others, I find my own needs are met. I am fulfilled by the love and mercy of God and His presence in my life and I am bathed in a shower of meaningful relevance and purpose.

“Pride is the carbon monoxide of sin. It silently and slowly kills you without you even knowing.” Tim Keller

Arrogance is a haughty, prideful attitude of self importance that disregards God and others. It's seen as an abomination to God, leading to a proud look, self-sufficiency, contempt, and boasting in oneself rather than the Lord. The Bible consistently condemns arrogance, emphasizes its destructive consequences, and calls for humility as its opposite.

What I have found is that people do not like to be around haughty, prideful, arrogant people…unless they are butt-kissers (as we say in the south) and desire the attentions of being ‘seen’ by such people in the hope that they, too, will be seen as something ‘better than’ or ‘more than’. Basically, they want to be seen as important…to have relevance and purpose. What they cannot see is that only by humility can we ever truly discover and enjoy the fruits of what God calls relevant and purposeful. We would do ourselves a world of good by remember why Jesus came in the first place…and then, do the same regardless of how we make a living.

In Luke 19:10 NIV, God’s Word tells us, “…the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”

And just how did He do that? He laid down His life for all of us. I guess the best way to find and live a humble life is to lay our own lives down for the sake of others. Remember, the power of life and death is in the tongue - the words we say. How can yo lay down your life or minister to someone else by the words you say?

The other side of that coin is found in John 10:18. This verse is a direct declaration from Jesus about His authority over His own life: "No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. I received this commandment from my Father". This passage emphasizes that His death was a voluntary act, not something forced upon Him. 

Then we find in John 15:13 even more specificity about the matter of laying down one’s life. This verse highlights Jesus' ultimate act of love: "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends". It is presented as the highest form of sacrificial love, and Jesus identifies Himself as laying down His life for His followers.

Then in 1 John 3:16, we find this verse explains the significance of Jesus' sacrifice, stating, "We know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us". By laying down His life, Jesus demonstrated God's immense love and provided a model for how believers should live. 

How can one be prideful when demonstrating love by sacrificing his life for another? He can’t. He will actually find that many others will be drawn to the love of Jesus as a result of their sacrifice…even if that sacrifice should lead to physical death. As I write this portion of the book, it has been 3 weeks since political activist and messenger of the Gospel, Charlie Kirk, was assassinated due to His outspoken faith in Jesus Christ. What we are seeing all across America - and around the word - is astounding. Rather than silencing a major voice for change in our culture, the assassin’s bullet has actually magnified and intensified and opened up Charlie’s message to millions of young people who are having to reckon with the questions Charlie posed by the way in which he lived his life and treated others. They are coming face to face with the realization that hope cannot be found in the political/governmental realm, as many would have us believe. Hope is found in Jesus and Charlie’s sacrifice is extending that hope even in death.

He was, in my estimation, the epitome of humility. Ready to meet Jesus, he opened himself up to meeting the needs of others by very publicly extolling the work of Christ on the cross and by being willing to listen to ANYONE and answer any question, regardless of how vile and mocking and reprehensible those questions might have been. I imagine he is standing very near to miss Corrie right now, lifting up the bouquet of flowers he had gathered throughout the days of his life and saying, 'Here you are, Lord, it is all Yours.'"

Dennis Jernigan

The above info is from a book I am currently working on called “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”. It is unedited and may have additions made in the final manuscript. Dennis Jernigan

Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/humble-sign-signage-metal-word-732566/