"Self-pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world”. Helen Keller
As I thought about the purpose of no Parking Zones I could not help but think of certain areas I cannot afford to park my attitude concerning PD. I will list a few I have had to avoid in order to live my best life regardless of whether I have PD or not. I cannot afford the fees of parking in the Self-pity Zone, the Pride Zone, the Anger Zone, the Feeling I Am A Burden to Others Zone, the Panic Zone, the Anxiety Zone, the Inactivity Zone, The I Can’t Zone, or the Grumbling or Complaining Zone.
What is the purpose of a no parking zone? The primary purpose of a no parking zone is to maintain safety, ensure efficient traffic flow, and reserve space for critical functions by preventing vehicles from parking in prohibited areas. These zones are vital for allowing uninterrupted access for emergency services, maintaining clear sightlines for drivers and pedestrians, and keeping roadways open for normal traffic and special events.
No parking zones are established to prevent accidents by keeping sightlines clear at intersections and crosswalks, ensuring pedestrians have safe passage, and preventing vehicles from obstructing emergency exits or hydrants. By keeping lanes clear of parked vehicles, no parking zones prevent traffic congestion, reduce bottlenecks, and ensure smooth movement for all vehicles, especially in busy areas.
Areas like fire lanes, hydrants, and hospital entrances are often designated as no parking zones to guarantee immediate and unobstructed access for first responders.
These zones keep sidewalks and crosswalks clear, allowing pedestrians to move safely and preventing them from being forced into the roadway.
No parking zones may be created to accommodate turning or merging traffic, allow for construction, or reserve space for special events, such as parades.
Parking in restricted areas can block driveways, alley entrances, or private roads, which no parking zones prevent.
In Oklahoma, a no-parking zone violation ticket typically costs between $20 and $70, depending on the municipality. The fine can be significantly higher for violations in specific areas, such as fire lanes or handicapped spots. I have seen parking zones for expectant mothers, which I love.
The No Self-pity Zone
Self-pity is a state of excessive, self-focused sadness and sorrow over one’s own problems and misfortunes, often leading to a preoccupation with one’s own suffering and a feeling that life is unfair. It's an inward-looking emotional state characterized by a feeling of victimhood and a desire for external comfort or attention, which can prevent a person from seeing solutions or connecting with others.
As in the terms of the now-famous video meme “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That”, I don’t have time for spending what time I may have left on this earth worrying about myself. I have a plan set in place to help me remember to not park in this place. I recognize that every feeling I have is attached to a thought I have had. Therefore, if I change the way I think I can change the way I feel.
Key Characteristics of Self-Pity
Inward Focus: Attention is focused on one's own problems, making it difficult to see others' troubles or maintain perspective. My remedy? I focus on the problems or trouble of others. It is when I choose to do this that my feelings of self-pity tend to fall to the wayside and my life becomes a force for usefulness. The fee or parking ticket for this inward focus is loneliness…ain’t nobody got time for that!
Feeling of Victimhood:
A belief that life is unfair, that others have it better, or that circumstances are beyond one's control. So what if life seems unfair. So what if others have it better than us. So what of we must endure circumstances that are beyond our control. The no parking ticket fee for this one is steep. We can either choose to be a victim or we can choose to be a victor. I know which I choose every time. I choose to be a victor.
Preoccupation with Suffering:
A tendency to dwell on misfortunes, to "wallow" in unhappy feelings, and to become obsessed with what has gone wrong. For me to focus solely on PD and how it has affected me cuts me off from the ones I love and need the most in my life. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly wallowing in their unhappiness. The way I do this is to recognize that I am not in this alone. Jesus is called Emmanuel, which literally means “God With Us”! I must choose to look for ways to encourage my wife to live her life in spite of what is going on with me. I encourage her to go out to eat with friends and family without me; I send her to spend time with her mother; I recognize that she experiences care-giver’s fatigue and I do not want that for her. Knowing my wife is well cared for and that her needs are being met keeps me from feeling obsessed with PD. The bottom line is I am never alone throughout whatever course my particular brand of PD may take me.
Desire for Attention/Sympathy:
An unspoken or spoken plea for others to notice and console the individual, which can strain relationships. I see that Melinda is going through as much hardship as I am. I do not seek the consolation of others. I just don’t. I have more than my fair share of people who are rooting for me and who pray for me regularly and that is enough for me.
Inability to Move Forward:
A tendency to feel stuck, to fail to see solutions, and to avoid taking responsibility for one's own life and happiness. No one else is responsible for my attitudes or actions. No one. The only thing that keeps me from moving forward with my life in spite of PD is me! I am constantly thinking of work-arounds for those times when I feel stuck. I am constantly thinking of solutions that keep my heart joyful in spite of my face’s inability to show it at times. I release one or 2 new albums of music through my publisher each year and have had a blast listening to old demos I have never released before and then compiling new collections of songs. I could die tomorrow and nobody would know it because Melinda could keep releasing new albums each year for the next 10 years or so! This I can do whether tremoring or not!
I also choose to fill my time with writing while I still can. I cannot believe I have already written three books on the subject of how to live one’s life with Parkinson’s. I also fill my time with writing fantasy novels for our grandchildren. I am responsible for my attitudes and actions and by focusing my time and brainpower on the needs of others who find benefit in one of the songs I have written or from the pages of one of the books I have written give me a proper focus on life. The ticket for doing otherwise is being stuck in limbo with nothing to look forward to…and ain’t nobody got time for that!
How It Differs from Healthy Emotions
Self-compassion vs. Self-Pity: .
While self-pity involves feeling sorry for yourself and feeling isolated in your pain, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering is a part of the human experience for everyone, which helps create a greater sense of connection and perspective.
Healthy Emotional Processing
When engaging in healthy processing, a person acknowledges their feelings and then takes action to address the situation or find solutions, rather than just dwelling on the problem.
Example
A person who lost their job might feel self-pity by constantly thinking, "Life is so unfair, and it's always harder for me than anyone else," becoming stuck in this negative thinking, and seeking sympathy. A healthier response might be to acknowledge the sadness and disappointment but then create a plan for job searching or skill development.
The bottom line really is ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’, meaning self-pity. I can’t think of a quicker way to turn people off and turn people away from me than to wallow in self-pity. That’s a costly ticket to have to pay!
Dennis Jernigan
The above infos from a book I am currently working on called “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone. It is unedited and may have additions made in the final manuscript. Dennis Jernigan
Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/tow-zone-no-parking-no-parking-sign-5108491/