“Your attitude is like a price tag, it shows how valuable you are.” Robert Kiyosaki
The attitude of giving up - like I have personally experienced when trying to button my shirt or finish a meal without making a mess due to Parkinson’s - is often characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed, frustration (Been there. Done that!), and a sense of helplessness - as one tends to feel when they are bumping into furniture, or tripping, or falling for no apparent reason. Such feelings often lead to a desire to just throw one’s shaking hands in the air and quit when challenges become difficult. It can be fueled by a fear of failure and a lack of persistence, sometimes stemming from a desire for an easier path, which can ultimately result in a victim mentality and short-lived gratification. In contrast, the "never give up" - I call it the “seeing life from God’s perspective” - mindset is driven by commitment rather than feelings. It helps me reorient myself and fix my eyes on Jesus and focuses on taking responsibility for my response to setbacks, and can often leads to increased resilience and a stronger sense of emotional control.
“The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.” Dennis S. Brown
The "I can't" attitude is a negative, self-limiting mindset that prevents personal growth, learning, and the pursuit of new experiences. A great question to ask someone is, “When you get to the age of 75 and look back on your life, what will you regret not having at least tried - in spite of Parkinson’s?” It involves believing you are unable to succeed or that challenges are insurmountable, most often due to a fear of failure, and it can be a major roadblock to achieving your goals. This attitude contrasts with a positive, "can-do" mindset, which sees challenges as opportunities and increases the likelihood of success. I would much rather have at least tried to play in the woods with my grandchildren rather than to look back with regret or to play cards with them even though I can no longer shuffle those cards and it drains my brain just to strategize even when playing something as simple as Uno! I hate regret but I love at least trying! That’s just me.
When Parkinson’s raised its ugly head in my life, I went immediately into a state of grief. Grief doesn’t just appear when we lose someone to death. It can be a response to any significant loss, like the end of a relationship, financial loss, job loss, an illness (like PD),or any number of things. I did go through what has become known as the 5 stage is griefs of defined and developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. She intended them to be used as a framework to help one understand their reactions to loss. While I did go through all 5 stages, not everyone does…and they may not go through them in the same order as I did. Let me just run through these stages briefly.
Denial (And, no, I’m not talking about some river in Africa). This is a temporary refusal to accept the reality of the situation. I remember, after undergoing a nerve test in my arm due to the slight tremor I had developed, of hearing the doctor’s mere mention that I could possibly have PD, and saying, “No. I don’t think that’s possible.” I also recall my personal physician, whom I love and count as a good friend, tell me it may just be an essential tremor and love hearing those words because he was not sure I had PD. An essential tremor is a very common movement disorder that is characterized by involuntary, rhythmic shaking or trembling that can affect the hands, head, and voice. Although the cause of ET is not known, they tend to run in families. I reasoned, “No one in my family has ever had these, so it must just be an anomaly.” Don’t ya love self-diagnosis?!
Of course, once I had received the official diagnosis, I went into full-fledged denial, flat-out refusing to accept the diagnosis or its reality in my life. As I have already shared, when I shared with a friend who was a doctor and he asked me to run through my symptoms with him, he looked at me and said, “Jernigan, you don’t have Parkinson’s. You’re just old!” Of course I held on to that thought for quite a while thinking I would find a way to reverse the tremors and imbalance I was experiencing. After a year of this, I then went into my next stage of grief. Anger.
I became so angry that I stopped really living for a while. I was angry at myself for somehow bringing this upon myself - which is a downright stupid thought. I was angry at God for allowing this to come into my life just as our grandkids were getting old enough to play with and go fishing with. As if God was taken by surprise by PD, never once stopping to ask Him about how He wanted to use PD for my good! I allowed my anger to develop into a ‘why me? attitude, which everyone loves to be around…NOT! Rather than lash out at others, I did what any self-respecting introvert would do. I withdrew into myself - and away from those who loved me the most. I stopped staying too long at family gatherings. I stopped taking calls from my friends. I stopped living a full life for a season.
Bargaining - which is the next stage of grief - was not a huge part of my life except for a very brief season. There is one thing that has helped tether me to reality through most of my adult life and that is we cannot change our past. In terms of my Parkinson’s diagnosis, I could not change that so I didn’t
spend much time bargaining or arguing with God. I did, however, ask him to remove this ’thorn’ from my flesh - and for 6 and a half years, I had resigned myself to PD being a constant and active part of my life. The apostle, Paul, puts it much more succinctly than I can:
2 Corinthians 12:5-10 NIV says, 5 “I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I prayed Paul’s prayer from my own perspective and got the same answer: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." When I am weak, then He is strong. I must add that now that I have had the privilege of DBS in my life, in a way, God HAS removed a great deal of the ‘thorn’ of PD from my life. I will always have PD but now the symptoms have been greatly mitigated by the brain procedure. I no longer deal with tremors. I can work an 8 hour day without brain fog entering the picture. I can even sing and play the piano again (If you heard me now you would hear a marked difference between where I was before the surgery) even though I know I will probably not get back to the level of proficiency I was at before DBS. After all, I am getting old, lol!
The next stage of grief is depression. Here is something I have only recently discovered: I have gone through many bouts of depression in my past without knowing what to call it. I am a very melancholy person. I feel the highest highs and feel the lowest lows - and I love it. Many years ago, I went to my family physician and asked him to prescribe me an antidepressant. He refused, saying, “Where do you think all the music comes from? I’m not going to mess with what God is doing.” I took His advice but still battled occasional times of depression. The only thing I knew to do when those down times came was to change the way I thought about whatever was bringing me down - and the depression would lift. It was not until I sought out counseling during my late 50s that I discovered what I had been experiencing was actually depression. The funny thing is, my counselor asked me to consider the fact that every feeling I have is attached to a thought I am thinking. He encouraged me to change the way I thought. In the world this is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is a very widely used form of therapy that hopes to improve mental health by addressing unhealthy thoughts, thereby changing one’s emotions and, due to changing emotions, is often able to help an individual change their behavior. In the Christian worldview this is called renewing the mind and have found doing so brings much healing and help when depression tries to raise its head. I take a mood enhancer these days just to help with any latent brain fog but find I am fine without it. I am just no longer in depression over PD and have continued to practice renewing my thoughts. Here is more of what the apostle Paul has to say on the matter:
Romans 12:1-2 NIV, says, 1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2 NIV
This brings us to the stage of grief called acceptance. This is simply that. Acknowledging Parkinson’s reality in my life and learning how to live with it, not just cope with it, but LIVE with it. One of the best things I have done since the diagnosis is to continue to be creative. Rather than being inactive creatively I have chosen to write 3 books on the subject of PD and have written 2 fantasy books for my grandchildren - and that was all before the DBS procedure. I have also continued to be active, working out using an online chair exercise program at least 4 days a week which has helped me maintain my dad-bod figure through it all.
It reminds me of the early days of my songwriting career when one major record company told me no one would ever sing my songs because they were too long or too wordy or too intimate. Just ‘too much.’ My response was, rather than to give up and say, “I can’t do this” became “I’ll continue to write whatever the Lord places upon my heart and leave it up to Him as to how He gets the music ‘out there.’” So far, even after over 35 years of existence for some of these songs, God continues to provide for me and Melinda via royalties from church use as well as many streaming services that now publish them. I have also released 2 new albums since the diagnosis and will continue to do so - even after I am gone. Thank God I made many demos of songs that never made it to an album!
I recently wrote this next portion of the book as a means of explaining to others - especially my grandchildren - how having an attitude of self-learning can go a long way way is preventing one’s self from parking in the ‘I Can’t Zone’.
“Never stop learning because life never stops teaching.” Anonymous
One of the smartest things a person can do for their overall health is to never stop learning. Learning helps keep my eyes off of me and helps me understand the needs of others. Since Parkinson’s affects the mind, I have focused heavily on this in several practical ways which I will get to momentarily.
You should never stop learning because it keeps your mind sharp, improves emotional and physical health, and creates opportunities for social connection and professional growth. Staying engaged with new knowledge boosts memory and problem-solving skills, enhances your ability to adapt to a changing world, and fosters a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.
"Once you stop learning, you start dying.” Albert Einstein
It has been shown that self-learning has many cognitive and mental benefits. Self-learning keeps the brain sharp because learning new things challenges the brain, which can improve memory, concentration, and problem-solving skills.
It helps prevent cognitive decline. Continuous learning has been shown to help prevent memory loss and may lower the risk of degenerative brain diseases and Lord knows I’ll take all the help I can get get in this area.
I have personally found that self-learning boosts my emotional well-being. Discovering new passions and skills can lead to greater personal happiness, satisfaction, and self-confidence. I have taken a keen interest in reading the writings of Clint Hill and have gained much knowledge about the Secret Service. Who knew I would love such books and learn so much?
Self-learning can affect professional and personal growth. I have found that self-learning helps me stay relevant - at least I know how to pray for the world around me.We live in a fast-paced world where learning new skills is essential for staying relevant in your career and keeping up with industry changes.
I believe self-learning increases job security: Acquiring new knowledge and skills can help you become a more valuable and irreplaceable employee, especially in the day of AI. Use AI to help you learn. Self-learning brings a sense of accomplishment: Mastering a new skill or topic can make you feel purposeful and accomplished.
Of course, there are social and physical benefits to self-learning. Self-learning can help build social connections. Just the other night one of my sons-in-law and I sat around a campfire and talked about different things we have learned about history and this, in turn, led us a to a deeper social bonding - especially over the Roman empire, lol! It was so cool to watch 2 of my grandchildren who were present take great interest in what were talking about as they sat their raptly engaged upon our every word. Learning in a group setting, like a class or workshop, is a great way to meet new people who share your interests.
Self-learning enriches your conversations. A wider base of knowledge gives you more things to discuss with others and helps you understand different perspectives.
Self-learning promotes physical health. Active hobbies that involve learning, such as a new sport, can improve mobility, flexibility, and overall physical health.
Personally, I listen to a lot of podcasts on history and theology. My favorite podcast on theology is called “The Church and Culture Podcast” by Dr. James Emery White and I listen to a ton of books which helps satisfy my love of history, I work The New York Times crossword puzzle, I watch Jeopardy. It’s like I have an insatiable need to learn something new every day. There have been many times when Melinda and I have been watching Jeopardy and I will give an answer like Hadrian’s Wall, the Battle of Hastings, Lech Walesa, or Wallace Simpson - and I will be correct. She just looks at me and says, “How could you possibly know that?” and I will respond with, “I don’t know. I just do.” Yesterday we were watching and this happened and I said, “I don’t know why I know useless trivia. I just had brain surgery.” She said, “You’re brain is amazing.”
God gave our brains. We renew our minds - either positively or negatively - every day. Self-learning helps me maintain discipline in my life and I believe it helps me stay young at heart (and young in mind). Don’t ever think you are too old to learn something new. That day will be the beginning of the end…and people will not want you n their Trivial Pursuit team. Just sayin’!
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young." Henry Ford
The fee for parking in the ‘I Can’t Zone’ or just plain old giving up is to waste away; an added fee is a loss of purpose which tends to bring hope to one’s life in the sense of having something to look forward to; not having hope tends to give a person no reason to keep on fighting for life. I cannot afford such heavy fees. As William Wallace says in “Braveheart”, "Every man dies, not every man really lives”. I choose life. I just do - whether I tremor, have a foggy brain, or not!
Dennis Jernigan
The above info is from a book I am currently working on called “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”. It is unedited and may have additions made in the final manuscript. Dennis Jernigan
Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/do-not-give-up-motivation-life-2015253/