When I think of the lies the enemy has used to gain power over me in the past, one of the biggest is that I am not worth fighting for. There are far too many instances the liar used against me to enumerate here, but I will share a couple to illustrate how believing lies and relying on feelings is a deathtrap for the mind.

When I was a boy, I felt such constant humiliation at the realization as to how different I was from other boys. My confusion led me to conclude I was somehow something less than a real boy, so I would never put my hands in my pockets as boys and men do—because I felt I did not deserve it. It was during junior high during the onslaught of puberty that I was already entrenched in sexual sin with other boys. By this time, humiliation was a constant companion because there were several older boys who seemed determined to remind me how much of a fag and queer I was. Imagine my conflict when one of those very public antagonists was one who had just had sex with me the night before!

Due to my fear at the very public attack, and out of sheer shock at the audacity of this one who had used me being a part of the attack, I dared not risk further humiliation by outing him. This one I had trusted with my body now threatened harm. My mind was raging like an out-of-control storm in that moment, being dashed about on the rocks of fear and self-loathing and anger and shame. When all had settled down and I could begin to try and gather my thoughts, those thoughts coalesced to one thought: Dennis Jernigan is not worth fighting for. I will admit, this is one of the major schemes of the enemy against me. Who would have thought he would still be able to get this one through the filter of the Word in my mind, yet he occasionally still does. My remedy? Put off the lie and put on the Truth: Jesus Christ thought I was worth dying for!

Many years ago, I was invited to speak to a state legislature regarding same-sex marriage. Knowing the opposition I would surely face from both the gay community and the very biased media, I did not want to go alone. The thought of what I could possibly face gave me several sleepless nights and a constant gnawing in the pit of my stomach. The “what ifs” left my mind reeling and confused. Since the group that was bringing me in would pay for two people to attend, I saw this as the Lord’s provision for someone strong to stand with me physically as I spoke.

Melinda was not able to go with me as someone needed to stay home with our nine children...and quite honestly, the thought of both of us being harmed in some way and leaving our children without parents took Melinda off the table as an option for a traveling companion. Naturally, I went to the leadership of my church to ask if anyone could possibly go with me. My feelings were those of hope and elation as I thought about how one of my brothers with whom I had been fighting side by side with for years would certainly be willing to stand with me in my time of need—be willing to stand for the King and for the kingdom.

Imagine the chaos in my mind as man after man turned me down. One had family obligations. One had ministry obligations. Another had work obligations. Several just did not want to get involved. In each case, I understood...to a point. In my mind, I would have laid down my life for any one of those men and their families. Yet not one would stand with me. My thoughts became even more erratic as they careened from one side of my brain to the other. The place I allowed that thought to light? I was not worth fighting for. When all was said and done, my brave fifteen-year-old son said, “I will go with you, Dad.”

Reality was that, regardless of the reasons these men had given, God had ordained that my son experience this part of my life with me. Truth overcame the lie when I realized that my son was ready, willing, and able to stand with me. Truth was, those men were not ordained for that moment in time to make that journey with me. Truth gave both Israel and me grace to walk through the protesters; to go through the mocking tones of the interviewer during the brief press conference I was afforded; to face the threatening glares of those opposed to the Truth of God’s Word; and ultimate Truth was that God had triumphed over fear in my heart and had caused my son to grow in faith and grace as a result...and me too.

Going through such circumstances causes me to consider ultimate Truth. God is God. I am not. He is in control and desires nothing but my best. He allows me to—calls me to—face fire and to suffer for the sake of the gospel. There are times when a man is called to stand alone, just as Daniel did when he was thrown to the lions; just as David did when he faced Goliath; just as Jesus did when He bore the cross. We often think about the death and physical danger these men faced, but we need to remind ourselves of the rest of the story in each episode. Daniel was delivered. Goliath was defeated. Jesus rose again! Truth is that even when facing death, Dennis Jernigan is worth fighting for. Even if death should come, my eternal life was secured on the cross. For God so loved Dennis Jernigan that He gave His only Son. That is how much I am worth! I am worth His life.

If God values me that much, what does that say about how much I value myself? I am not talking about self-focus or vanity nor am I expressing narcissism. If my Maker thinks I am of great worth, should I not place as much value upon myself? My point is simple. The way in which I think about myself tells God and others what I think of God! How dare I belittle His creativity by putting myself down? How dare I devalue someone God saw as worth dying for? How dare I pridefully suggest my reasoning abilities are superior to the reason of my Creator? Dennis Jernigan does not get to call or see himself as something less than God calls him or the way He sees him.

The battleground truly is our mind. So we need to decide if our mind—our thoughts—are worth fighting for. What is worth fighting for? Would you fight for your wife’s safety or for the well- being of your children? Of course—because they are worth fighting for! Would you fight for your marriage? Of course—because you know your marriage is worth fighting for! What about Truth? Is Truth worth fighting for? Let us make it more personal by getting down to the basic reality of our existence. What about your own mind? Is your mind worth fighting for?

I will be honest with you: the battle for my thoughts has been a slaughtering field at times. Sacred thoughts I held as my identity were laid waste, leaving me feeling naked and alone. At other times, the battle has left my mind absolutely numb as my overthinking gave way to simple thinking on what God calls Truth. There have been times when my mental battles have left those around me feeling bloodied and beaten along with me. But one thing I can say with absolute certainty is this: the battle has been worth every moment of sorrow and suffering and pain and humiliation along the way. Knowing Jesus intimately is worth it. I am worth fighting for...to me.

What is not worth fighting for? My opinions are not worth fighting for or losing sleep over; they are trivial matters that have no bearing on my eternal existence. What others think of me no longer has a bearing on who I am as they once did. While I am glad when others are pleased with me, what they think about me does not ultimately matter to who I am in the core of my being. Even what others do to me cannot alter who I am. I am no one’s victim. I am a victor. Who and whose I am causes me to walk in both humility and in forgiveness. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him while He was in the very midst of that crucifixion! I can do no less because of who and whose I am. This fact alone saves me so much mental anguish and despair.

If I am worth fighting for to God, should I not fight for my own being? For my own thoughts? Here’s what God’s Word has to say about it:

Watch over your heart with all diligence,

For from it flow the springs of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

In his most wise Proverb, heart equals mind or innermost being. Core identity. The way you think. Part of one’s fight is in building up protections for when the onslaught comes against your mind. And do not kid yourself: as long as you live on this planet, you will face the lies of the enemy. Might as well fight by the way you prepare and guard over your thought-life. God tells us to guard over our thoughts with all diligence because the essence of our life and existence flows from those thoughts. Get drastic! Get militant with guarding over your thoughts...and watch life begin to flow massively.

When I was first set free, one of the first things I did was to rid my life of any attachments to my past. At first, this caused my heart great anxiety and fear as I realized I was cutting loose from things I had held on to for sanity and self-worth—things that truly and honestly were counterfeits to the very things I desired! I rid my life of gifts that had been given to me. I burned letters and moments and anything physical that could be burned. My thought was to cut off any hope of having that thing restored to me in any way. Burning seemed very logical to me! I stopped going to places I used to frequent in my old identity...and I cut off relationships that caused me to think wrong thoughts. In other words, I severed anything that tied my soul to my former identity as much as possible.

At first, this caused me much pain and sorrow, but that pain was replaced by healing and the sorrow gave way to the comfort of the Lord. Replacing what was counterfeit with what was real was a major step in setting myself up for success rather than failure. Extreme? You betcha! But my sanity has been worth it. As I have already said, my desire to know and to be known by God led me to shut off all other voices as much as possible that kept me from hearing God. I fasted from secular music and TV from 1981 until 1993. Twelve years of safety for my mind! Was it worth it? Absolutely!

How will you guard over your thoughts? Here are some practical ways I guard over mine to this day:

  •  Read and put on God’s Word. I memorize it and its concepts.

  •  Talk to God—often. Invite Him into every aspect of my life.

  •  Listen to only the music that builds me up spiritually and morally. What we put in our

    mind is what we get back from our mind. Put in good things!

  •  Fast from certain things from time to time. Food. Drink. Places. People. TV.

  • Take time to quiet my thoughts.

  •  As I go to sleep, I meditate on God’s Word. He gives to His beloved even in their sleep

    (Psalm 127:2).

  •  Worship God daily.

  •  Practice gratitude.

  •  Ask the Lord what to wear; what to eat; what to watch; what to listen to.

  •  Laugh.

  •  Spend time with people—even if you are an introvert like me!

  •  Spend time with people who love me enough to speak Truth to me. Be honest with

    people I trust and allow them to be honest with me.

  •  Be about the Lord’s business: serve and meet the needs of people around me. It’s not

    about me!

  •  Remind myself of who and whose I am—often.

  •  Work at the important relationships in my life: God, spouse, children, friends, body of

    Christ.

  •  Laugh—often!
    Remember to guard over your mind with all diligence because your life flows from the

    thoughts you think. When in doubt, I have a couple of go-to passages of scripture to help me calm my thoughts:

    “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” —Jesus (Luke 10:27)

    Do my thoughts glorify God? Do my thoughts cause me to love people? Do my thoughts cause me to see myself as God sees me? If the answer to any one of these questions is “no,” I immediately begin to ask the Holy Spirit to help me recognize the lie I am believing and to replace it with the Truth. You can do this!

    The name of the LORD is a strong tower;

    The righteous runs into it and is safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

    When I feel bombarded in thought, I guard over my thoughts/heart by reminding my soul of who God is. Like a mighty fortress of whose and who I am, I speak His names and His character to my mind, and lies are thwarted and Truth prevails. You can do this...because your mind—who you are—is worth fighting for.

Dennis Jernigan

This is an excerpt from the Dennis Jernigan book, Renewing Your Mind: Identity and the Matter of Choice. It can be purchased at https://www.amazon.com/Renewing-Your-Mind-Identity-Matter/dp/1613143737/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1GZNXS5ELN5VZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.AzdEHdBTMOTtUENfsWu4UA.iqW1r7w7iwlGizbjnBz1FgM45tDrmRp4AVQvUh0pUPk&dib_tag=se&keywords=renewing+your+mind+identity+and+the+matter+of+choice+dennis+jernigan&qid=1750857840&sprefix=renewing+your+mind+identity+and+the+matter+of+choice+dennis+jernigan%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-1

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