Why?
Why did I choose to write the first half of this book as a self-help book and why the second half as memoir? Quite simple. I decided Parkinson’s had robbed me of enough life after 6 and a half years and that I wanted to remember all the good things that happened in my life before the diagnosis. Those two things led me to want to live the remainder of my days with adventure and wildness and danger and meaning, dragging Parkinson’s along for the ride and not the other way around!
I believe life is meant to be lived on the edge. The edge of adventure. The edge of danger and wildness no matter how long I am fortunate to live. I have SCUBA dived with sharks in the Bahamas. I have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane (That’s debatable) at 10,000 feet. I have explored caves which led me to crawl through excruciatingly claustrophobic passageways (My body would no longer fit through now, lol! And I can barely tolerate an MRI today!) following a only a thin strand of yarn for hundreds of feet before it opened up into a glorious cavern first discovered by the Spaniards in the 1500s. I have run from a lightning storm above 10,000 feet near Crestone Peak in Colorado. I Have peed from a mountaintop ledge above 12,000 feet (Because I am a guy, that’s why!). I have ministered on three different occasions at the Pentagon and have stood where Lt. Commander, Brian Birdwell, was doused with jet fuel and burned beyond recognition on September 11, 2001, yet he survived to tell about it. I have been escorted by secret service agents on several occasions as I shared my story of deliverance from same-sex attraction (Not a popular thing…) in Washington, D.C. I and some of my family have been purposely dropped off in a dark alleyway in a very pro-Palestinian area of Jerusalem (dangerous for Americans and Jews) only to be rescued by a friend who speaks the language and overheard the plan in the cab in which he and his family were riding. We were definitely not on Ben Yehuda Street.
I have run out of air while SCUBA diving twice now - both around 40 feet below the surface on Bonaire (Which I think is hilarious because Bonaire means ‘Good Air’). I have done several night dives - on purpose! I have raced my brothers and cousins through wide open hay fields letting our horses go with reckless abandon until tears of joy streamed down our faces due to the velocity. We used to play hide and seek on horseback through the forests. My cousin and I once found an old still on the bank of Cane Creek. We used to take a huge tractor tire’s inner tube and curl up inside of it while our siblings and cousins pushed us down a hill and over a short cliff into the Illinois River in northeaster Oklahoma. My brothers and cousin would have pissing contests out of the window of the barn loft (‘Cause we’re guys!). I started on the high school basketball team all four years and was fortunate enough to play in three state tournaments - which we never won. I was valedictorian of my senior class (all 12 of us!) as was my dad in his class of 52 members. My dad even played in the state basketball tournament when he was in high school…the same small school I went to.
I grew up. Went to college. Was told I had no potential as a song writer and was told I could not overcome same-sex attraction. I graduated. God gave me a new identity through faith in Christ. I began writing music. I married Melinda. We lived an adventurous life and raised 9 children together while traveling all over the country and eventually the world sharing my story and my music. Just a few days before my 60th birthday I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s - the diagnosis came on January 28, 2019 and my birthday is February 9, 1959. Then we were sold a preposterous notion by our government that we were in a pandemic by 2020 and for the past 6 and a half years it was as if the world was at a standstill.
The only problem with me is that I cannot come to a standstill. During that period of time I wrote 2 fantasy novels and 2 books on Parkinson’s, brain fog be damned. I have released 2 music albums from past demos and have about 10 more ready to go! I began writing this book even before brain surgery (DBS). Oh, yeah. Did I mention I had brain surgery? My point is that, for all intents and purposes, we had stopped living in many ways socially, at least - except for our amazing family.
If not for our family, Melinda and I might have dried up and withered on the vine, yet we managed a trip to Australia to see our daughter, her husband, our granddaughters and we managed a trip to see our amazing son and his amazing wife in British Columbia where my son and I managed to paddle board (even with PD!) in ice-cold water which made me feel like a eunuch. Just sayin’. Of course, we have been able to spend much time with our local children and their children and we keep a constant family chat going (By ‘we’ I mean ‘they’). Even having had brain surgery and ridding myself of the brain fog has not kept me from feeling overwhelmed by the constant stream of pictures and information. I have just learned to ask my wife to tell me what is going on and what I need to know! Just this past June, my daughter and I danced to “A Million Dreams” from the film “The Greatest Showman” and as we ended that dance, we went into a choreographed dance to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” (Every pun intended, lol) and the place went nuts as our family went into full-on dance mode for the next 30 minutes. I did not fall once and got all the moves right! Talk about living dangerously and on the wild side! I was toast afterwards but it was completely worth it because of the memories we created for our family. I have never laughed and cried simultaneously for so long as I did that afternoon!
Because PD ravaged my voice, my public concert ministry came to a crashing and sudden halt. It has only been since my DBS procedure that I have begun singing and playing the piano again - at least making a joyful noise! I have even begun writing music again. This feels both adventurous and dangerous to me since I have no doubt people will judge my voice…and I couldn’t care less what others think or say. At least I am living my life out loud and do not intend on stopping any time soon!
Which brings me back to why I am writing this book as both a self-help book and a memoir. A couple of years before my diagnosis, my dad passed away on August 31, 2017. Both he and my mom had worked for me for about 25 years so to have worked so closely with 2 people who gave their lives up for me in very tangible ways for my entire life caused me to reevaluate my entire existence. What you are about to read is how I experienced walking through the shadow of the valley of death with my folks and how that affected the way in which I have continued to live my life. It is not morbid. It is melancholic in many ways, but full of joy as well. What you are about to read are my personal thoughts at certain points along that journey. My hope is that you will be encouraged to keep on living as if this were your last day on earth; that you would practically live your life in the ways I pointed out in the self-help portion of the book; that you would be constantly confronted with joy as you look at what you do have rather than what you don’t. Enjoy the journey.
Dennis Jernigan
The above material is from my upcoming book, “Parkinson’s & Recreation 3 - The No Parkinson’s Zone”
Photo courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/chicken-bird-poultry-livestock-7357303/