The concert progressed with great joy and anticipation as the trio went through many of my favorite songs and then I began to feel overwhelmed at the new songs they shared. I think just knowing someone else had come through their hard times gave me hope that perhaps I would one day make it through mine. And then they stopped singing...
Annie Herring began to share something God had placed on her heart—something that would lead to the greatest transformation of my life. Following is a transcript of that moment, reduced for brevity but exactly what was shared. I will attempt to interject the thoughts and feelings I went through in those moments. She said:
“I don’t know why it is...we always go to the Lord as a last resort...but He has never hurt us...”
Was she serious? God has never hurt us? I felt abandoned by God and felt He hated me for my wickedness. For some reason, I laid that thought down and decided I would believe what she had just said...even for a few moments. Could I really trust what she was saying? Could I really trust God?
“...and He only wants what’s best for us…”
He wants what’s best for me? Then why did He allow me to go through all the chaos, confusion, and isolation in my life? Again, I calmed down and decided to believe...even if for only as long as she spoke...
“I know there are many of you here tonight that have gone through things that hurt you deeply...and it’s not like you’ve not wanted to give those things to Jesus. It’s just that you’ve never had the opportunity to...Well, tonight we’re going to get rid of all our hurts...
My heart began to feel the pressure of 22 years' worth of hurts as she spoke. No one had really ever asked me what was wrong? No one had ever asked me to show them ‘where it hurts’...and it was as if someone finally got it...
“Tonight we are going to allow Him to take up residence in areas where we have kept Him out because we weren’t aware of the fact that we were closing Him out...”
In that moment, I remember a flood of shock—I felt numb yet thoroughly warmed through and through. It was as if she were telling me that God sees all the hidden places of my heart...and loves me anyway....loves me no matter what.
“...but I believe the Holy Spirit has done a work in your heart...to open up areas where His light hasn’t shined for a long time...or never has shined.
It began to come into greater and greater clarity...that I had been so wounded by the circumstances of life that I had not only shut out people, but I had shut out the most important relationship of all! There were so many hidden places that I had closed off...yet God saw them and loved me anyway?!?!? I realized that all those places in my heart that I told myself didn’t hurt anyone else really hurt everyone...including me! A heart that does not function to capacity is a heart that life cannot flow through. In those moments my heart began to come alive in places I thought would be forever dead. It was as if I were totally naked...yet unashamed. Hadn’t felt that—ever...
“We are very complex people, but we need to choose to let His light shine in all those rooms in our hearts.”
How was it that she so easily saw through my facades? How could she have known how complex and complicated my heart and mind had become? And as if I had been bowled over by a huge ocean wave that sent me reeling head-over-heels, I came to the understanding that I had to make a conscious choice to let Him in. I had to choose to finally be honest...
“And I know that the Lord is showing me that there are many of you tonight that are broken-hearted...and many of you have gone through things that you never thought you’d have to go through and you need to be set free tonight. The Lord wants to heal your mind and your heart. And the way that we’re going to get rid of all the things inside of us—and we all have something to get rid of because we are all being built.”
Broken-hearted. That was me. Yes, I had experienced things I never in my wildest nightmares would have thought I would have to go through in this life. Some of those experiences had been beyond my control...but many had been as an act of my will...by my own choices. If anyone needed to be set free that night, it was I. If anyone needed healing for their heart and mind, that was me. When she made the statement about all having something to give up, I was set at ease. You mean I wasn’t the only loser in the crowd (I still had a lot of work to be done!)?
“The way we’re going to get rid of those things tonight is we’re going to put our hands out before us—and we’re going to place those things right there...and we’re going to give them to the Lord while we sing this song. We’re going to lift those things to the Lord and give them away...and while our hands are up and empty (lifting our hands is a sign of surrender) we’re surrendering those things to the Lord. And after we give them to Him and our hands are empty we’re going to receive from Him whatever gift it is that He wants to give us tonight...and I guarantee you it’s a good gift.”
Could it really be that simple? Could I have been striving in the wrong direction in the wrong way for the wrong reasons all my life? The answer was a resounding ‘yes’! I had been so used to deciding if God could love me that I was never able to let Him love me! Suddenly, it was no longer about me...it was quickly becoming about Him...
“You have nothing to be afraid of...He only wants what’s best for you...”
Image courtesy of https://pixabay.com/photos/butterfly-monarch-monarch-butterfly-1518060/
Excerpt From
Victim to Victor
Dennis Jernigan
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