“God’s love suddenly became apparent. He could love me while bestowing worth upon me. He wanted me for His own. He wanted me so much He had been willing to leave the riches and glory of heaven. He desired a relationship with me so badly that He had been willing to suffer every temptation I would ever suffer (yet without sinning in the process!). He loved me so much He had been willing to suffer the punishment I deserved because of my sin. And He loved me enough to take homosexuality upon Himself at the cross...something I had never been able to see before. His perfect love took away every fear in that moment.
“So it’s sort of like Christmas. We’re going to give away something and we’re going to receive a gift...and there’s a gift for each one of us with our name on it. So let’s prepare ourselves and let’s let Him have our hearts. You ready?”
Something was coming. I could feel it in my heart...could feel it permeating my body, mind, and soul...
“You choose. We are a people of choice...and you choose to get rid of these things...and you receive from Him tonight. You ready?”
And they began to sing...
Why should I worry?
Why should I fret?
I’ve got a Mansion Builder
Who ain’t through with me yet1
In those brief moments of singing, my heart began to break...not from the weight of the burdens of my hurts, but by the magnitude of true love and acceptance I had honestly never ever felt in my life before. Even if you do not understand the spiritual ramifications of what I am about to share, please read on and be patient with me. You will come to understand what I am talking about in subsequent devotionals.
As they sang, I saw myself make the choice to place homosexuality on the shoulders of Jesus. What a burden was lifted...to finally have someone help me carry that burden. The sacrificial death of Jesus was required for my eternal salvation. At the same time, by faith, I saw myself—Dennis Jernigan—crucified with Christ. I had not been able to take my own life, but I made the conscious choice to give it up to Him. The old me died that night (again, by faith) and I was buried with Christ. Dead. Gone. The next thing I know, Christ had risen and He was calling me to rise again, saying, “Dennis Jernigan. Come forth!”
In that instant (by faith), I was given a brand new identity. All I had been, all I had experienced, and all I had done against God’s will were eradicated in that moment. I was made a brand new creation. I determined that night that I would no longer rely on my gay friends for help with my identity. My help would come from the One Who created me.
That night saw the beginning of an incredible journey towards wholeness. My goal was not heterosexuality. My goal was to know my God—and to let Him know me. As a new creation, I decided to allow God to wipe the slate clean and learn to be. Did I suddenly forget all my hurts? No. Was I somehow instantly and miraculously immune from my former temptations? No...but I somehow knew that those things could not define me. I wanted to know what my Maker had to say about my identity...even my sexual identity. My desire was to discover who He says I am. And that is exactly what I want for you. Are you ready?
“You have nothing to be afraid of...He only wants what’s best for you…”
“Questions for meditation
Do you believe God is good? Why or why not?
If God is good, who do you suppose has been tempting your mind to believe He is out to get you?
If you had the chance to go back to your mother’s womb and be born again, would you choose to be heterosexual or homosexual?
If you found out you had believed many lies and that you had built your entire identity upon those lies, would you be willing to go through the necessary steps to tear down those lies...and the necessary steps required to rebuild your life based upon the real truth?
Would you be willing to decide that Jesus is Lord of your life and Lord of your identity?
Would you be willing to believe that God raised Him from the dead to teach you how to rise again in your own life?
What inner rooms have you never allowed God to look into?
Would you give your hurts to Him right now? He can handle them...whatever they might be.
Even In Their Sleep
As you fall to sleep tonight, allow the Lord access to your deepest hurts and give Him the freedom to comfort and minister to those wounds.
Listen to the song “Passionate Obsession” and think about all God has done to get to you...to make you His own.
DJ’s Thought for the Day
I am not who my circumstances say I am. I am not who my temptations say I say. I am not who past failures say I am. I am who my Father says I am.
1 ©Latter Rain Music. Words & Music: Annie Herring. Used by permission”
Excerpt From
Victim to Victor : A Personal Devotional Walk Towards Wholeness with Christ
By Dennis Jernigan
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